We are nothing here if not always aware that we owe our gentle readers the widest window on happenings in the world we can possibly open. In light of that solemn duty, and a recent, unexplained travel phenomena, I felt it incumbent upon me to fill you in on the latest developments.

The first was rather surprising, all things considered. For God only knows why, it seems a burgeoning tourist business has popped up, offering tours to Afghanistan.

Twenty months on from the chaotic fall of Kabul, when thousands of Afghans and expatriates scrambled to flee the country, a small but growing number of tourists are going back in.

On May 6, the first group trip with newly established tour operator Safarāt is due to arrive in Kabul for a two-week itinerary that will circle the country via Kandahar, Herat and Bamyan. Another operator, Untamed Borders, has a group arriving this weekend to undertake a similar route in reverse.

And no amount of emphatic HELL, NO, DON’T GO warnings or already incarcerated compatriots seem to have any effect on these fools hardy adventurers out looking for a thrill-ride.

…The tourists are flying in the face of the starkest official warnings. The UK Foreign Office says the country is “extremely dangerous” and recommends no one should visit; the US State Department warns that “the risk of kidnapping or violence . . . is high”. Three UK citizens, including the 23-year-old YouTube “danger tourist” Miles Routledge, are currently being held in prison by the Taliban; Isis cells continue to operate in the country.

Meanwhile, the UN says Afghanistan remains “the world’s largest humanitarian crisis”, and that there has been an “annihilation of women’s rights” since the Taliban takeover. It says it may have to take the “heartbreaking” decision to pull out of the country next month if it cannot persuade the Taliban to reverse its edict banning local women from working for the organisation.

There’s the crowd who works in an office and wants to do something besides go to the beach like everyone else does.

“To be honest, a major part of going on the trip was that I was bored as f— at my desk job doing nine to five, five days a week,” mulls Callum Darragh, a 26-year-old office worker from Swindon, Wiltshire. “Maybe it was a slight overreaction to the mundanity of modern life, but there we are. We turned up in Kabul after 40 hours, on four different flights, and when we landed it was kind of terrifying because you see the Taliban posters and whatnot and then you think to yourself, ‘What the hell have I done?’.”

Then you’ve got these “adventure/danger” tourists who are all into sticking their necks out to see if something slices through it. If they do manage to get home in one piece, they have cool stories to tell, and can wax poetically about how “bucolic” moments around campfires and flagpoles with Taliban chanting “Death to America” are because, hey. She’s Scottish.

…This week Tobias Ellwood, the MP and chair of the Commons’ defence select committee, was widely criticised when he praised the Taliban for reducing corruption and bringing stability after visiting the country on a fact-finding mission.

One of his critics, Sir Jacob Rees-Mogg, said the video “could have been issued by the Afghan tourist board”. Yet there is a certain type of thrill-seeking traveller who needs no tourist board’s encouragement to pay a visit to the beleaguered Islamic emirate.

“Some people want to go on holiday, and go to the beach, eat, drink, swim and relax and not think about anything. And that is fine,” says James Willcox, founder of adventure travel company Untamed Borders, which has been running ski trips to Afghanistan since 2011. “But others want to explore an area, go somewhere with different scenery, culture or food. The reason for going to Afghanistan is pretty similar to South America, India or Thailand. It is just pushing the boundaries that little bit more.”

…“We were up at the flagpole in Kabul which is a big gathering place, especially on Fridays,” she says. “It was relatively empty and then it got packed with Taliban dancing around me singing ‘Death to America’ and I was like, ‘I’m from Scotland. I’m not American’.

…“It’s a sort of bucolic lifestyle.” Afghanistan: action, adventure and tranquillity. That’s one for the tourist board.

Published when two foreigners were kidnapped yesterday, and 3 Britons remain in detention… Classy, Telegraph. Classy.

— Scott Richards 🧍 (@skotrds) July 25, 2023

BUCOLIC

Anyway, whatever trips their triggers. It’s their money and, as long as they also don’t expect a rescue, may they spend it as they see fit.

Along those lines, though. I thought it behooved me, should any of you feel so inclined and be making for Mazari Sharif or hoping for Herat in the near future yourself, to pass along the announcement the Taliban made yesterday in a speech. Just in case you hadn’t settled on a wardrobe, I could save you some trouble with your packing. Maybe even keep you from being another “incarceration” statistic. All that sort of Afghan vacation planning stuff besides Pepto-Bismol tablets, Kleenix wipes, and aspirin.

NECKTIES ARE RIGHT OUT

Neckties are a sign of the cross, says Taliban official

Neckties worn by men were a sign of the Christian cross, a senior Afghan Taliban official said Wednesday, adding they should be eliminated.

“Sometimes, when I go to hospitals and other areas, an Afghan Muslim engineer or doctor uses a necktie,” said Mohammad Hashim Shaheed Wror, head of the Invitation and Guidance Directorate, a department that seeks to guide people along proper Islamic lines.

He said in a speech broadcast by Tolo TV that the symbolism of the tie “is obvious in Islam”.

“What is a tie? It is the cross. It is ordered in Sharia that you should break it and eliminate it,” he said.

Dressy casual in Kabul means open collar for sure and the last thing you want to do is be “obvious,” capiche?

There we go.

Now, go have fun. It’s summer.