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Holy Crist! Charlie's running as Jesus!

AP Photo/Chris O'Meara

If it weren’t for hubris, we’re not sure what would make Charlie Crist’s suits stand up. The latest example, marinating for six months, emerged Monday.

Behold the man: A video, distributed by Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis’ quick-response re-election team, shows Crist (and his ever-present Vornado) preening about kindness and decency, pausing just long enough to steal valor from war-torn Ukraine, and — finally, the ultimate (times infinity) conceit — liken himself to Christ.

And they say DeSantis paraphrasing Ephesians in front of a Hillsdale College audience is a problem.

The event was, according to the DeSantis War Room, recorded on St. Patrick’s Day. An accompanying tweet suggests it happened at a small gathering of Democrats in Pinellas County, where Crist calls home.

Seeking the governor’s mansion he abruptly abandoned in 2010 for a GOP-splitting run at the Senate and campaigning — you cannot make this stuff up — on unity, Crist immediately divides: “It is crystal. He’s bad, we’re good.”

Save yourself a smack in the forehead. This is classic Crist campaign pandering. Understand this, also: Progressives are saintly, Republicans are domestic terrorists, is exactly what they believe.

For a certain (and substantial) segment of the Florida electorate, the contents of the video send chills of affirmation up their legs. They’ve been nicknaming the governor for years. DeSatan. DeathSantis. DuhSantis.

In the video, Crist merely speaks their language. “DeSatan versus that,” he says, indicating a nearby sign bearing his name. And if some sycophant in the crowd autocorrects the spelling of his name to Christ, well, “Oh, think about it! Boom!”

Crist — wed to no positions except the politically tactical — hungrily ticks the boxes that make progressives swoon (not a difficult task, if holding your nose is among your gifts), all in hopes of making them 50.1% of the midterms turnout. Never mind that his current stances — using the term generously — directly oppose the values he once claimed as his bedrock. 

The politician who used to rally at GOP events where firearms donated by AR-15-selling gun shops were auctioned off now opposes so-called “assault weapons.”

Once firmly pro-life, Crist pledges “Day 1” protection for “reproductive freedom.” For whom, precisely? Sunshine State law protects the unborn after 15 weeks of gestation. Does Crist favor unlimited third-trimester terminations? That’s not much freedom for the babe in the womb.

Late-Term Charlie is the same fellow who says he rejects those with “hate in their heart,” whatever that means. Self-identifying himself and those on his side as proponents of “decency” and “being kind to everyone.” Except perhaps the viable unborn and those who oppose his current viewpoints.

Remember, in New Charlie World, it’s conservatives who divide, disagreeably and with blackened hearts.

With six weeks before early voting begins, it’s hard to tell which is worse: Crist treating voters like middle-schoolers, or the arrested-development set who lap it up.

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