Once upon a time, during my misspent youth, I actually had a good time entering a couple of the local beauty pageants. Not being one blessed with a lot of natural grace, it was a good experience to have to stand up straight and try to walk 'gracefully,' instead of the clomping I am so adept at. Hair and make-up when you're in your late teens is always fun, too, because it's new, or at least it was then.
We didn't start doing ourselves up at 12, as I see what I still call 'little girls' doing now. And, yeah, in a curmudgeonly way, I think that's kind of a shame, too, because there's so little time to be a 'little girl' or a tomboy, and years upon years for mascara and foundation.
But anyway. It was a good experience, and I lucked out. Got to be the reigning township queen for a year, which wasn't too onerous a position at all.
Then a couple of high school girlfriends got together, and the trio of us figured we'd take a shot at the upcoming Miss Sussex County contest, which is the first step toward Miss New Jersey in the Miss America pageant. It wasn't so much a 'beauty' thing as a mix of being attractive enough, talented, and personable, which made it appealing to your average high school senior and older.
So we went for it, and what an education that was. The Miss America pageant staff and judges were unlike anything we'd run across in our rural county's local fire department contests - super professional. And we really felt like ingenue fish-out-of-water with two of the other contestants, who actually knew some of the judges because they had entered Miss America-related pageants wherever they were going to college at the time. One of the girls had been Miss Miami and the U's homecoming queen. I mean, chick had it going on. The other was just this drop-dead gorgeous blonde with classical ballet aspirations.
They were both now Playboy bunnies in our town's brand-new Playboy hotel, which is where the pageant was being held.
So, yeah, we're trying not to act like gauche farm girls. But nobody loves doing something totally new more than I do, and we were all determined to just enjoy the ride.
I soaked up so much that week from both the staff and those terrific girls who had been through all this before. And I learned a lot about the structure of the Miss America pageant organization itself - the rules, the protocols, the traditions- and I have carried them fondly in my heart ever since. I did alright, too, for a country clomper, chosen as the second runner-up and then - glutton for punishment - as first runner-up the next year.
Lost to the raven-haired homecoming queen the first year, who went on to become a very well-known stunt actress, and we even saw her in a Dewar's ad. And the ethereal blonde got it the next year. I could begrudge neither of them. I was tickled pink at my own personal progress, and that was the point of the entire exercise for me.
I would have recommended it to any young lady, and did for years. What a solid experience it had been, and my other girlfriends felt the same.
The Miss USA and the other pageants were quite different from Miss America even then. Strictly 'beauty' pageants, and, well, meh. Anyone can walk around in a dress, but the looks you have are what God gave you, basically. Miss America was kind of a three-ring circus. You had to be presentable, sure, but you also had to be able to hold a conversation with a perfect stranger. There were interviews with judges, then round-robin events where small groups would work with a judge for a short while and then move to the next. Talk about improving your social acumen - trying to make an impression without being an attention hog. It is an underrated skill.
But you also had to have a 'talent,' which could be anything from a God-given beautiful voice or long legs made for ballet to an absolutely hysterical sense of humor.
A friend of our parents growing up had been a Miss Mississippi and first runner-up in her Miss America appearance, and her talent? Telling a gut-busting story in a syrupy, mud-thick, almost incomprehensible Southern accent about how blowing a stuffed-up nose changed her life (She'd perform it after a couple of cocktails if you asked politely).
But all the 'Miss Whatever' pageants had rules of some sort to follow.
Miss America can be a little older than when I competed, but that's about the only thing I see different.
- Must be 18 to 28 years old for the Miss division (14 to 18 for Miss America's Teen).
- Marital & Family Status: Must be unmarried and cannot be pregnant or have children.
- Residency or Status: Must live, work full-time (minimum 40 hours/week), or be a full-time student in their competing state for at least 120 consecutive days.
But after reading this article this morning, I'm not quite sure why 'MISS USA' even bothers with a title anymore, especially one starting with 'MISS '.
This most definitely is not a 'Miss,' but it surely is a 'miss.'
I thought you had to be single to be Miss USA. There's a pageant for married women, Mrs USA
— Hi, I'm KellyJo 🙋🏽♀️🇺🇸 (@BiologicalWoma2) August 28, 2026
..And she doesn't expect the milestone to stop with her: She says she "won't be the last."
History-making.
WAIT, WHUT?
I guess the rulebook went out the window in 2023.
...Originally, only women between the ages of 18 and 28 could compete.
However, that rule was later eliminated. While there is still an age minimum of 18 (separating Miss USA contestants from Miss Teen USA contestants), there is no maximum age. Miss Universe first announced the rule in September 2023, and the Miss USA pageant followed suit the following January.
...In addition to eliminating the age cap, 2023 marked the end of restrictions on contestants who are moms.
...Additionally, there are no restrictions when it comes to marital status this year. “You can be married, divorced, a mom, and you can compete at Miss USA and Miss Universe,” Gankiewicz explains.
You do have to be a US citizen and a permanent resident of the state you want to represent.
But you don't have to be a woman.
...In 2012, the Miss USA pageant changed its rules to be more inclusive of transgender women, as previously reported by NPR. As the official pageant website states, those hoping to apply “must represent and warrant that you are a female (recognized medically and legally as a female in the United States).”
And they held it in Paris this year. Not even in the USA.
Welp.
I think they've completely missed the boat and should call it the 'Anything and Everything But Miss' pageant.
There are no rules anymore, liberals hate them, unless they benefit themselves
— Travis (@SizzleTAT) August 28, 2026
And they wonder why no one cares?
