Not the Ark Pairs I Pictured: NBC Proud as Peacocks to Present 'Queer Theory Ruins Wild Kingdom'

AP Photo/Themba Hadebe

Who knew they were flying that gaudy, obnoxious alphabet-sex soup flag over the animal kingdom?

More importantly...who cared?

You won't be surprised to find that NBC cared and that they've done a special documentary celebrating gay and transgender animals just in time for Pride Month.

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Take a worldwide journey exploring the rich diversity of animal sexuality — from flamboyant flamingos to pansexual primates, sex-changing clownfish, multi-gendered mushrooms and everything in between. This documentary looks at extraordinary creatures, witnesses amazing behaviors, and introduces the scientists who are questioning the traditional concept of what’s natural when it comes to sex and gender.

Wait - even mushrooms are genderqueer? I knew they could be Asian...


...but the "fleshy, spore-bearing fruiting body of a fungus" is now genderqueer

Remember that certain age when your mother used to cover your eyes or make you turn your head if the NatGeo wildlife or Irwin animals got a little too frisky for your tender sensibilities?

Good times, good times.

Now the "Peacocks" at NBC are going to make sure your kiddos get all that plus "everything in between."

HOW IS THE U.S. NAVY GOING TO TOP THIS?

Besides not having the budget to blow (*snicker*), the simple fact is no cross-dressing commander or proper pro-noun pointers from Petty Officer Powders is going to come close to the impact of knowing that, deep inside his reptilian heart, Nag the KING Cobra, is really a queen.

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 The planet you thought you knew pretty well is actually queer. Fooled you, huh?

NBC has unveiled an upcoming documentary that focuses on examples of same-sex relationships and sex transitioning in the animal kingdom.

Queer Planet will be released on June 6 as part of Peacock's Pride Month celebrations and is narrated by actor Andrew Rannells.

The project is billed as a 'first-of-its-kind nature documentary' and will explore 'hidden LGBTQ+ communities among animals that have unconventional sexualities and genders,' according to Indie Wire.

The documentary's synopsis reads: 'Take a worldwide journey exploring the rich diversity of animal sexuality — from flamboyant flamingos to pansexual primates, sex-changing clownfish, multi-gendered mushrooms and everything in between.

'This documentary looks at extraordinary creatures, witnesses amazing behaviors, and introduces the scientists who are questioning the traditional concept of what’s natural when it comes to sex and gender.'

How did Disney not get to this first?

...'Everything you were taught as a kid is wrong,' Australian author Bradley Trevor Greive says in the trailer for the film, which is rated TV-14. 'This is a queer planet'

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That's almost like kicking someone at the edge of a well in the stomach whilst yelling about it being "Sparta!" - only this LGBwhatever guy is nowhere near as buff.

It's the same kind of declaration of war, though.

Let's assault your family and societal values yet again, only use cute little animals. They'll present "queer" as established Natural and all-pervasive Science™, applicable to mushrooms, human beings, and "everything in between" because all same-same. In their world, humans can switch sexes and reproduce like clown-fish or earthworms or spit spores willy-nilly into the air to scatter the human race about the planet like genderqueer mushrooms establish fairy rings (And you thought that name had to do with forest elves - the mushrooms knew all along.).

You must make sure your kids watch so they get the message as you are an established trans-phobic, bi-phobic, homo-phobic, animal-phobic Luddite.

Well, the more I think about it, there'll be no worries on that account. Tons of school systems will be showing this in Science™ class by next fall, guaranteed.

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I can hardly wait for the reeducation to begin.

Imagine those precious little faces when they see their beloved Timon transform from meerkat to sneer cat because partner Pumbaa refuses to dress...up. 

Less mind transition. #ResistPumbaa

via GIPHY

I always thought those two were happy and perfect for each other. 

Now it's ruined. 

Hakuna Matata will never be the same, damn their black hearts.

I'll always hear a plaintive "hang on to muh tatas" because it's a cruel, queer world out there.

I saw the movie.



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Jazz Shaw 10:00 PM | June 12, 2024
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