Oh, and what gifts Empress, consummate Bond villainess, and European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen bringeth, forsooth.
It's no coincidence that, while visiting the land of seal stew, caribou, and polar bears, von der Leyen looks convincing as an Ice Queen. There she is, cracking her glittery, brittle, frozen smile as she attempts to evince a more human aspect among her prospective partners, so that they begin to believe they have a friend in her and the Brussels Borg collective.
The beleaguered Danish Prime Minister came along for the ride and to help hand out the monies, all in a big show to fend off the angry Orange Man.
The European Union responded to repeated threats from U.S. President Donald Trump to take over Greenland by reassuring the territory with promises of an enhanced partnership and hundreds of millions of euros in investment.
European officials have turned greater attention toward Greenland since Trump insisted the United States must assume control of the island for security reasons.
The persistent claims generated concerns regarding sovereignty, prompting pushback from Greenlandic and Danish leaders while heightening strain among NATO allies.
On a visit to the capital, Nuuk, European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen pledged 200 million euros ($232 million) in support across the next two years to assist Greenland with tackling climate change, expanding internet connections, and improving education, fisheries, and hydropower plants.
“Greenland’s future is for the people of Greenland and Denmark to decide. No one else,” von der Leyen said. “Territorial integrity, sovereignty, the inviolability of borders. These are fundamental principles of international law.”
And if everyone behaves on Greenland, there's even more money coming!
YOU CAN COUNT ON EU
...Funds are also earmarked for better housing, support to small businesses and sustainable tourism. Von der Leyen also said that she wants to double EU budget support to Greenland to around half a billion euros ($580 million) from 2028.
“Greenland can count on the EU,” she said, after signing an EU-Greenland declaration with Prime Minister Jens-Frederik Nielsen and Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen. Greenland is a semiautonomous territory of NATO ally Denmark.
Beware icy blondes bearing gifts, though, particularly if you're on an island.
📡 Our new cooperation on satellite connectivity takes off today.
— Ursula von der Leyen (@vonderleyen) September 7, 2026
With immediate results.
North Greenland will see massive improvements in internet access in the coming days.
And by October, remote communities in East Greenland will also have better, faster internet! pic.twitter.com/IUGDcPoEx0
There's nothing worse than getting hosed by an authoritarian bureaucrat with it all gussied up as a present, which is exactly what happened, and it's not as if these far northerners have anything else they can turn to.
I've found the peak EU tweet.
— Steve Loftus (@LoftusSteve) September 8, 2026
Ursula is celebrating state controlled 15mbps broadband for $120 per month. No other broadband service is allowed and they banned Starlink that could offer 12x that speed for $80. https://t.co/ademEoTfp4
That's right. URSULA just hooked the poor suckers up in Greenland for the best Temu innerwebs deal no one ever wanted. They get to pay a premium and can't change providers for subpar service and glacial download speeds.
- We expect that it will increase the speed of the internet from 6 megabits to 15 megabits. This means that you can stream normally, says Jonas Hasselriis.
However, the investment will also increase security in Greenland because the satellite connection provides an extra line to remote settlements.
Today, they are connected via a so-called radio chain, which functions as a wireless digital highway to transport internet and telephony over long distances.
It consists of a large number of radio transmitters and receivers located on mountains and mountaintops along the coast.
- If the radio chain breaks, the towns and settlements will disappear, so we will increase security of supply.
- But for the average customer in an everyday situation, getting better speeds is the most important thing. There is a big difference between what you can do with 15 megabits compared to 6 megabits, says Jonas Hasselriis.
With the adoption of law no. 31 of 23 November 2017 on telecommunications and telecommunications services, Inatsisartut has decided that the Government must have the exclusive right to offer telecommunications services in, to and from Greenland as well as the construction and operation of telecommunications infrastructure in Greenland that enables electronic communication between cities and settlements and abroad. This is justified by a desire to ensure sufficient traffic volume, and thus income, for the expansion and maintenance of the publicly available telecommunications infrastructure.
Naalakkersuisut has granted Tusass A/S a concession (a governing company) exclusive rights to offer, among other things, satellite services in Greenland according to the government's executive order on concession for TELE Greenland A/S § 1, subsection 1, no. 4, cf. Inatsisart Act No. 31 of 23 November 2017 on telecommunications and telecommunications services § 1.
This means that only Tusass A/S may offer satellite services to Greenlandic end users, including setting up equipment for satellite communication. Exceptions to this are satellite reception of radio and television programmes.
If end users buy and set up equipment and use services from e.g. Starlink, this is thus contrary to the provisions of Section 1 of the Telecommunications Act, and thus illegal.
I mean, who would want Starlink anyway, right?
- Starlink users typically experience download speeds between 45 and 280 Mbps, with a majority of users experiencing speeds over 100 Mbps. Upload speeds are typically between 10 and 30 Mbps. Latency ranges between 25 and 60 ms on land, and 100+ ms in certain remote locations (e.g. Oceans, Islands, Antarctica, Alaska, Northern Canada, etc.). These speeds make Starlink suitable for streaming, video calls, online gaming, and other typical household internet use.
RIGHT?!
Meanwhile in Alaska :) pic.twitter.com/TSshNmbWGI
— NonsensicalRavings (@__Nonsensical) September 8, 2026
NO STARLINK FOR YOU, GREENLAND
You might actually talk to someone in real time, and then Lord knows what you might hear that they don't want you to.
President Trump on Labor Day posted a map with an American flag covering most of North America, Iceland and islands in the Caribbean. The map showed the United States, Canada, Mexico, part of Central America, Greenland, Iceland as well as islands in the Caribbean including Cuba… pic.twitter.com/kaXG2FSmxR
— CBS News (@CBSNews) September 8, 2026
...including Cuba and Jamaica and French territories —such as St. Barts, Guadeloupe and Martinique—covered by the U.S. flag, with the entire landmass labeled “United States of America.” Trump posted the image on his Truth Social platform without explanation.
Chick ain't named 'Ursula' for nothing, you know.
The girl's all heart...of stone.
Editor's Note: The Democrat Party has been infected by socialism, and it's spreading FAST. Democrats are claiming there's nothing to worry about, but we know the truth.
Help us continue to shine a light on the socialist takeover by joining HotAir VIP. Use promo code FIGHT to get 60% off your VIP membership.
Join the conversation as a VIP Member