“When he died, the cancer died, so technically it was a tie!”

The fourth of eight children, Schrandt spent his childhood and early adulthood “tormenting” his younger siblings, the obit reads. “He was a great orator, (not like Shakespeare, but more like Yogi Berra)..”

The veteran tool and die maker, who spent his professional life surrounded by “a bunch of morons” also “led a good life and had a peaceful death — but the transition was a bitch,” the obituary zings. “Good luck God!”

“Tim leaves behind a hell of a lot of stuff that his family doesn’t know what to do with,” the obituary notes and is survived by loved ones who should probably keep their day jobs.