I’d like to say something wistful like “I’m glad John’s not here to see what he’s done to his song,” but let’s face it: if John was here, Gravel would be his candidate. In that basic truth lies the peculiar anguish known only to conservative Beatles fans, my friends.

I needn’t remind you, I hope, that this is no departure for wavy Gravy. As denying illegal aliens college tuition on the taxpayer dime constitutes “punishment” in Mike Huckabee’s mind, so apparently does denying this doddering old crank a place at the Democratic debates constitute not letting him say what he wants to say.

Exit observation: On the spectrum of musical artistry, this is the precise opposite of “Cherry Chocolate Rain.”