Right out the gate, I need to say - ***LANGUAGE WARNING: NSFW or small ears***
Okay - y'all got that?
Now, if you have an idea who I'm talking about, as most of you will, anything that spews out of this foul-mouthed Sasquatch-looking creature in a watchcap's piehole isn't going to shock you. It will probably disgust, irritate, and madden...but it's not a surprise.
For the three of you in the conservative online media reading world who have no idea who William Kelly is, let me warn you right now - he's not a distinguished fellow visiting on a medieval pastoral romance lecture tour from Oxford.
HARDLY
He's the psychotic puke who routinely follows tourists, haranguing them with language most vile about their voting preferences, and regularly disrupts church services in the Washington, D.C. area. He is most recently famous for helping lead the Charge of the Blight Brigands into Cities Church in Minneapolis during a Sunday service, helpfully filming himself doing so, saving law enforcement the effort of sifting for evidence.
The scummy twerp is fond of a camera.
BREAKING: William Kelly who filmed himself storming a church in Minnesota and harassing congregants has been ARRESTED by the FBI pic.twitter.com/njqU1MlpKo
— Libs of TikTok (@libsoftiktok) January 22, 2026
Kelly was the third person arrested over the incident, immediately after the two women who organized the entire thing were picked up and charged. I got a giggle over that one.
He has derangement issues.
JUST LIKE JESUS DID, WE WENT INTO THAT CHURCH AND FLIPPED TABLES...PEACEFULLY
This man, William Kelly, a ring leader for the mob that stormed a Southern Baptist Church yesterday, is part of a group that has so severely harassed Christ Church in DC that they sent a church member to the hospital w/ a shattered eardrum. Details 👇
— Megan Basham (@megbasham) January 19, 2026
pic.twitter.com/XYDEQF1gJ0
Congregation members beg to differ, particularly the kids he scared to death and the lady who wound up with a broken arm in the terrified scrum trying to get away from their attackers.
Naturally, this fuzzy freedom fighter already had a GoFundMe account to pay for his cross-country jaunts to make other people's lives miserable. But once he got arrested, it was like hitting the Progressive Hero Jackpot, and he zoomed immediately to the Gold Level fundraising.
Where could he barely tap forty grand previously? Small potatoes now. Kelly's a symbol, man.
People dropping coins on his crusty head by the thousands at a pop.
Naturally, rational people have an issue with a domestic terrorist raising that kind of cha-ching over an action that he's been slapped with federal charges for. It just doesn't sit well with law-abiding citizens, that sort of thing - profiting off of lawlessness.
Kelly sneers with his yellow fangs.
HE'S THE HERO MINNESOTA DIDN'T ASK FOR WHO WON'T LEAVE
“I’m facing 10 years in federal prison” William Kelly tells me yesterday during an Anti-ICE march in Minneapolis, Kelly says he has no intentions to leave the Minneapolis area until all ICE agents are out of the city.@DailyCaller pic.twitter.com/gZv2HrqoIj
— Jorge Ventura Media (@VenturaReport) February 1, 2026
But something did get to him, and it's so remarkable that it's side-splittingly funny - especially his reaction.
The greasy, grimy grifter has apparently been catching hell from those very same Minnesotans he has styled himself as a selfless saviour of... for shamelessly grifting that huge chunk of cash.
And, man, are his #feelingz dinged.
So much so that the lunatic posted the demented, raving rant of a lifetime. That hideous visage, snarling into the camera, foaming at the mouth, bile-fueled spittle flicking all over the screen, as he excoriated the haters who could criticise him, raising subsistence cash, WHEN HIS SELF SACRIFICE WAS ALL FOR THEM.
Seriously [NSFW] but if you can hack the spit and screaming, watch to the bitter end.
This spittle-spewing genius is the visual avatar in my head every time I see or hear the words "peaceful protests" or "resistance." This is the man Dems desperately want on their side and are encouraging to continue his loyal support for the cause.
— Jason Beale (@jabeale) February 3, 2026
Seriously.
DIS GUY needs a rubber room, a rubber jacket, and a big fat syringe of cool-your-freakin'-jets juice.
For the rest of his natural life.
And this is the kind of guy the Democrats are making a hero of if they perform their stormtrooper assignment well.
They don't care about the law or Americans.
It's all about power and who they need to use to keep it.
Democrat hero nurse Alex Pretti screaming, “Fucking assault me motherfucker, fucking trash,” before spitting on ice agents and kicking out their tail lights. This guy was not emotionally well, may well have been psychotic, and was begging to be attacked: pic.twitter.com/FmIVAifOJh
— Clay Travis (@ClayTravis) January 29, 2026
DIS GUY and all the others just like him, male or female. They're a dime a dozen, and they or their families get the Hamas martyr payoff one way or the other.
But don't they collapse like manic psycho-jelly when their own purity is questioned?
There's no way to live with these people. There just isn't.
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