'Russian Disinformation' Is Some...Uh...Terrifying Stuff

AP Photo/Stephanie Scarbrough

How wrong does misinformation have to be to be DISinformation, and how fiendishly slanted to be a sinister Russian election interference plant?

These are frightening times, my fellow Americans.

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We of the knuckle-dragging classes should be grateful that there are vigilant public servants, standing always at the ready, dedicated to shielding us from foreign bad actors.

Protecting us from ourselves and our own worst impulses to believe the unbelievable.

Such a paragon of justice and unselfish sacrifice for the common good is Merrick "Goose" Garland, Attorney General of the United States.

He and his crack team of unbiased justice department investigators are on guard and actively seeking out the ee-ville doers to preserve truth, justice, the American way, and the Democratic hold on power.

He made his move boldly two days ago against a snake pit of Russian subversives spreading harmful propaganda.

HONK HONK HONK

Really?! "What sort of underhanded election interference skullduggery were the Russians attempting now?" tremulous voices, scarred by memories of laptops and urine showers, asked from under the safety of their beds.

While the AG was all business at his stunning press conference, the Russian president sneered in contempt at Garland's puny efforts to preserve the sanctity of our electoral process.

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Yes, of course, we have a preferred candidate, Vladdie the Baddie said. While our bets had been on the POTATUS, we are reasonable and will accept the substitute vegetable Democrats have anointed.

This was flagged immediately as clever Kremlin double-speak for TRUMP IS A TOOL OF PUTIN.

How fortunate we are that Garland stands between us and them in this wild and crazy First Amendment country. We might have fallen for it as we succumbed to so many other planted lies and subversive stories from Russian sources.

What we innocents need to navigate our naive path through the treachery around us is a comprehensive list of, say, terms to watch for. A compendium of viewpoints that, when presented, are indicative of Russian influence - of ee-ville Russian misinformative machinations to sway us in one direction or the other. 

I don't wanna be a dupe! Or a dope. Or either!

TALK TO ME, GOOSE

Ever ahead of the ee-ville doers, the stalwart sentinels at DoJ made a handy checklist of RUSSIAN disinformation phrases, so we can recogn...

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WHUT

Um...I'm not sure how to take this news. The "Justice Department" is, in all seriousness, insisting that mention of any and everything the Biden-HARRIS administration has jacked up over the past almost four years is disinformation

It's darn near laughably unbelievable in its own right. Surely they cannot be serious?

TALK TO ME, GOOSE

I'd ask The Tool of Putin, but as the spurned Russian favorite, he's taking a moment to massage a bruised ego.

Well, if the truth be told, I sure hope Vlad's preferred candidate doesn't win because bitching about what she's done to the price of eggs could become problematic. Her being authoritarian and all.

And now she's seen that creepy fascist Brazilian judge in his swirling black cape - I'm sure she's got big pictures in her head of how that would look on her, especially since Whitmer's already got the dominatrix leather market covered.

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Lemme fling this out there while no one's looking.

TOOLS OF PUTIN everywhere!

Good grief! A CBS News report on choosing between eating or keeping the lights on? If Fox or a conservative had written it, I'd know, but CBS News?!

How am I supposed to choose which "#Bidenomics sucks" story is Russian and which is real when they both say the exact same thing?!?

TALK TO ME, GOOSE

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