You know, nursing is a vocation, and only certain people are called to be nurses. Some might be the mothering, smothering kind of individual in their own right, while others might be well-organized and slightly less empathetic.

But it doesn't mean they were meant to be nurses or particularly good ones.

Nursing school is a bear. I have been so blessed to have two exceptional RNs as sisters-in-law, both of whom were extraordinarily knowledgeable about every facet of their fields and consummate professionals, besides being two of the biggest, softest hearts I've ever known.

The oldest, God bless her, was accepted and started nursing school as a second career in her late 40s. I can't wait to ask her about the hiring parameters the much esteemed Mayo Clinic outlined in a recent job posting. For a position and occupation that requires any number of soft skills, less mind the intensive training and years of schooling, these seem somewhat...frivolous and needlessly restrictive.

As "Jobs for Humanity" goes - says so right there on the posting.

According to this job posting, Mayo "prioritizes" certain classes of individuals during their hiring processes to "BUILD AN INCLUSIVE AND JUST EMPLOYMENT ECOSYSTEM."

What a bunch of virtue-signaling racist argle-bargle.

When you read through who a "just ecosystem" consists of in Mayo's world, it's as if the list of approved victim classes were transposed onto their job listing. Let's parse a few entries, shall we?

I'm assuming "Justice Impacted individuals" is code for "people with a criminal record," so that's kind of interesting. Also a teensy bit worrying, but that's just me.

How "military veterans" made it into this laundry list, I have NO idea, as we tend to be mostly WHITE, mostly MALE type people. Oddly enough, also the very skin hue that is nowhere in this job listing - wonder why?

"Just employment ecosystem." That's why.

Refugees are cool, and I've always thought a deaf nurse would be a great asset if my heart or oxygen monitor started screeching. This adds a tiny frisson of doubt about the response from the nurses' station, you know? Do they hear it? 

DO THEY COME WITH THE CART? DO THEY?!

Nothing like some excitement to liven up a dead, boring hospital stay.

They could score all of their blind and deaf qualifiers in one elderly applicant. Now, not too many of the geriatrics I know are LGBwhatevers, but the day is coming when the ratio will change. At the rate society is going, there will be lots of old, angry transgenders who need a job.

Just don't call them "sir." You're at their mercy when you're strapped in that bed. 'Nuff said.

I'm also curious about the wording being so specific in the above screenshot. I got it from Libs of TikTok, whose tweet has rightly caused a bit of a sensation with some serious discussion about DEI possibly killing people.

And 🍋 doesn’t understand why policies like this are alarming and can be deadly even after you explained it🚨

— Libs of TikTok (@libsoftiktok) March 20, 2024

Maybe it was Elon weighing in, I don't know, but I have subsequently been unable to find that exact verbiage in any of the Mayo Clinic LPN job listings for the ambulatory cardiology center there in Phoenix. What I did find was heartening. Applicants might be criminals or illegal, deaf, dumb, and/or blind, but they do have to be nursing school grads. How reassuring.

Qualifications

Graduate of a school of practical nursing or passed LPN Boards after a defined period in a professional nursing program (e.g., some states allow RN students to take the LPN board exam after completing one to two years in the RN program). If graduation did not occur within the last two years, one year of LPN experience working in an applicable setting is required.

Additional Qualifications

• One year LPN experience within the last five years preferred. 
• Excellent communication skills (verbal and written). Experience working in a team environment. 
• Computer skills required, prior experience with electronic medical record systems preferred. 
• Ability to work daytime hours, flexibility may be required to meet staffing needs. 
• Ability to adapt to unpredictable situations within the work setting. 
• Graduate of an accredited school of practical nursing preferred. 
  
  

License/Certifications

• Current LPN license by applicable state requirements. 
• Maintains current Basic Life Support (BLS) for Health Care Providers from one of the following programs: American Heart Association or American Red Cross. 
• Additional specialty certification/training as required by the work area.

As long as they're not white males. Please note the difference in phrasing.

Affirmative Action and Equal Opportunity Employer

As an Affirmative Action and Equal Opportunity Employer Mayo Clinic is committed to creating an inclusive environment that values the diversity of its employees and does not discriminate against any employee or candidate. Women, minorities, veterans, people from the LGBTQ communities and people with disabilities are strongly encouraged to apply to join our teams. Reasonable accommodations to access job openings or to apply for a job are available.

Or schmaybe - stay with me here - this is how a diversity and justice-based employment ecosystem allows them to hire white males. BECAUSE they're "veterans"! Crazy, right? You can slide a couple of Navy corpsmen with advanced degrees or Air Force nurses because? Yes, white guys, but VETERANS.

Suddenly there's no racism involved, see?

Ah, the cocoon of diversity and inclusiveness.

Remember two things if, God forbid, you're admitted: 

• There is only one line that includes a phrase about putting the  "needs of the patient first" in the entire job posting
• USE THOSE PRONOUNS