An unconventional New Years Eve

As we reach the end of what has been a trying and disappointing year for many Americans, I’m sure most of you are planning on lifting your spirits with some traditional New Years Eve festivities. Best of luck to you and I wish you well, but I abandoned the old ceremonies some years ago. However, I won’t let the day slip away and the calendar turn over without a few thoughts, observations and hopes.

First on the agenda is the renowned tradition of going out for a party on Dec. 31st to welcome in the new year with others. You can have it. I’m staying home. (Again.) Police refer to New Years Eve as “amateur night” for a reason. Lots of people with very little experience drinking alcohol (unlike we professionals… *cough*) go out to parties, down a few pints and suddenly decide they’re just fine to be behind the wheel. And being the cusp of January, they often make this decision when the roads will be covered in ice and snow. No thank you.

But if you do decide to go out and drink a lot – and manage to survive to make it back home – you may be interested in some of these professional tips for curing hangovers from famous historical drinkers. Speaking from a similar level of experience, I’ll share my own secret with you. Before going to bed, drink a big glass of water, along with taking an aspirin and 1000 mg each of Vitamin C and B complex. Then put a couple of bottles of water on the nightstand near your bed. If you wake up in the middle of the night when nature calls, down another bottle of water. Dehydration and vitamin depletion are two of the big killers in terms of hangovers and you can mitigate a lot of the damage by following those steps.

Whether out and about or safely at home, you may be planning to stay up and watch the ball drop. Not me. I’ll be in bed. There’s nothing particularly magical about yet another second ticking off the clock of eternity, and I remain confident that when I wake up tomorrow morning the year 2012 will have successfully arrived without my supervision. I get up early every day, and I go to bed early as well. Why start my year off dead tired and off schedule? That’s no way to launch a fresh start.

Another thing I won’t be doing is making any resolutions. It’s just a way to set yourself up for disappointment. There’s no sense in deciding on January 1st that you’re going to quit smoking, drink less, eat better, exercise more, or finally read War and Peace. When you inevitably falter a few weeks later, all you’ve done is manage to depress yourself before you even make it to Valentine’s Day.

Instead, what say we all get together and come up with some resolutions for our elected leaders? After all, they work for us and should at least be open to some suggestions. I’ll start us off with a few, but feel free to add in your own.

1. How about you resolve to actually put America first rather than just talking about it? When making a decision, stop for a moment and consider not just the political ramifications, but whether or not your choice will really affect Americans in a positive fashion.

2. Resolve to have a “mid-life crisis” this year, no matter what your age. Are you really in the job you want and are qualified for? Maybe you really should be doing something else with your life, so by all means don’t stick around on our account. (No, I’m not specifically talking about Nancy Pelosi, but if the shoe fits… )

3. Resolve to adjust your ratio of talking to listening in a downward direction. We sent a big ole’ message to all of you in 2010, yet I can’t help but feel that some of you weren’t really listening. Maybe you were too busy flapping your gums and reciting the talking points that your staff writes for you. Listen. To. Us.

4. Resolve to simply be a good person. I know that sounds trite and obvious, but apparently it’s not all that easy. But if you do, we’ll notice and you’ll be rewarded for it. Just because you can do something doesn’t necessarily mean you should do it. You don’t have an approval rating in single digits by accident. Just be a good person, OK?

OK, that’s enough for me. I need to start chilling the champagne for my bride so we can drink it after the early bird special. Happy New Years to all the Hot Air faithful readers everywhere and may 2012 bring you wisdom, happiness and good fortune.