After posting a job listing to fill their vacant personal chef position, former President Barack Obama and his wife, Michelle, were disappointed to learn it had received zero applications.

“Why wouldn’t anyone want this job?” an exasperated Michelle was heard asking her servant’s personal assistant’s driver at the Obamas’ lavish estate. “Working for us is one of the greatest privileges anyone could experience. As long as you don’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong, you’ll be well-compensated and you’ll get to stay alive! Where’s the downside?”

In the absence of someone to prepare meals, Barack has reportedly found himself in the unenviable position of cooking for Michelle every day. “You think I want to be the one in the line of fire?” he was heard asking one of his bodyguards’ social media managers. “That woman is serious about her food. You do not want to overcook her steak. You saw what happened to the last guy.”