In an unexpected turn of events, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has rocketed to the top of polls for the 2024 Democratic Party nomination for president after suffering what appeared to be a stroke in the middle of a press conference yesterday.

“We all know Democrat voters love impaired candidates,” said pollster Frank Luntz. “Joe Biden, John Fetterman, and Diane Feinstein are all beloved among Democrat voters. It makes sense that they would flock toward Senator McConnell after his unexplained episode. With this latest health scare, he’s the ideal Democratic candidate.”

When asked, Democrat voters confirmed their sudden interest in McConnell. “I used to think he was the devil incarnate, just because he was a Republican,” said registered Democrat Stephanie Dean. “Now, after seeing that press conference with him staring off glassy-eyed and clearly experiencing some significant physical malady, I can’t fight my desire to elect him to an even higher office.”