Obviously, polygamy, once practiced by early church members, has long since been renounced by the LDS church. It the late nineteenth century, after decades of religious persecution and pressure from the U.S. government, Mormons dropped the practice (although some obstinate fundamentalist groups persist). The LDS is probably the last group willing to bring up plural marriage, but now would be the time to right some historical wrongs.

The would-be polygamist needs only to use the arguments of a gay-marriage advocate: What kind of moral claim, for instance, does anyone have to stand in the way of peaceful, consenting adults who call their union a marriage? Shouldn’t every minority, no matter how beleaguered, be able to enjoy happiness with the one—or ones—they love? In a perfect nation, wouldn’t all Americans be immune from the cultural and religious prejudices of others? Isn’t it a tad judgmental for us to force every household to comport to our own stifling definition of family? Sally Kohn knows what I’m talking about.

After all, how does another person’s connubial situation undermine your marriage or corrode the institution, anyway? Have you seen the divorce rates!? Straight people have already ruined the institution. And we want in.