Warren: "Everyone" tells me I'd get their vote if I had one of these

(AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

Er … what does this say about Hillary Clinton’s win in the 2016 Democratic primaries? Don’t ask, don’t tell. Six years after her party nominated a woman to the top of its presidential ticket, Elizabeth Warren has identified why she can’t win in the same process. Warren told Ali Vitali that “everyone comes up to me” to explain that they vote for penises, or something.


Politico excerpts this from Vitali’s new book, Why America Hasn’t Put a Woman in the White House … Yet:

“How do you convince white men — who aren’t as smart as me — how do you convince those white men over 50 that Elizabeth Warren’s the candidate?”

In the end, she couldn’t.

And back on the plane in the hours following the January 2020 Iowa Caucus, hurtling into New Hampshire and toward the next primary — down but not yet out — she knew at least one explanation for why. Deepa Shivaram, NBC’s Warren embed, brought up the “women win” messaging and the fact that, at least in this Iowa Democratic Caucus … they didn’t. Where did that message come from, Deepa asked,and why was it important to speak to gender now?

“I’m responding to what people wanna hear,” Warren told us plainly, with a characteristically biting edge in her voice. She spoke sometimes as if all the annoyance and frustration she had about the political system simmered right on the edge of her words, teeming on the top of her teeth, threatening to spill over.

We’d talked about the dynamics of Iowa, her competitors and the pressure she put on herself not “to screw this up.” But here and now she offered her plainest view of the landscape yet: “Everyone comes up to me and says, ‘I would vote for you, if you had a penis.’”

Oh, those bigoted and misogynistic … Democrat primary voters!


Otherwise … um. It’s not only difficult to believe that everyone tells Warren this to her face, it’s tough to believe that it happens with any frequency or even at all. Consider this: who would bother to show up to her rallies or engage her at all if they considered themselves single-issue voters on Da Penis?

That would be difficult to believe even from a politician without major credibility issues. Given Warren’s long attempts to spin her obvious fibs about her track record of claiming significant Native American heritage for professional gain, Warren doesn’t exactly have much credibility left anyway. Remember when Charlemagne Tha God told Warren she was the “original Rachel Dolezal“? Good times, good times.

Did this comment get made once or twice? Maybe. Never underestimate the inanity of trolls. But it’s farcical to think that “everyone” tells her this, or that it happens much at all. And it doesn’t help Warren that Hillary Clinton proved that theory wrong four years before Warren even attempted to grab the presidential brass ring. Clinton steamrolled everyone but penis-owner Bernie Sanders in the Democrats’ 2016 primary to win the nomination and then went on to win the popular vote over Donald Trump in the general election. Hillary didn’t lose the election because she didn’t have a penis — she lost it because she didn’t have a footprint in Wisconsin and Michigan.


This is nothing but whining from Warren, who flopped in 2020 because of her character, not because of her genitalia. This is nothing but an attempt to paint herself — again — as a victim of demographics. At least this time she’s picked an accurate demographic.

On the other hand … are you all reading this because I’ve got a you-know-what? My Twitchy colleague PolitiBunny thinks that just might be the case. If so, well … you know what they say about the length of a man’s essays* …

Note*: They’re wrong. 

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