Fun stuff as he tries to keep a straight face while the reporter ratchets up the guilt trip. The question about having let down the people of Baltimore, who think of him as their own son, is a faux-tragic masterpiece.

Legalization advocates have been begging him to take the “who cares?” position, but one endorsement’s already gone and he’s just been slapped with a three-month suspension. Even with eight golds, he simply doesn’t have enough mojo to fight that battle publicly; frankly, only one athlete in the world does. But look on the bright side. He’s now the holder of the “world’s most famous” title in two separate categories: Swimmer and dope-smoker. Or rather, second-most famous.