When I say “trailer” I mean trailer, not the 45-second teaser that aired during the Super Bowl last night. (Although that’s embedded below too.) Disney rolled out the longer version this morning on ABC, one of its other media properties.

Soon we’ll have the answer to one of the great unanswered questions of cinema: What if a film was entirely, 100 percent nostalgic fan service? Although … now that I think about it, I suppose we already have that answer. What is the character of Han Solo, after all, if not the concept of fan service made (virtual) flesh?

So predictable are the plot gimmicks to come that Internet games are being constructed around them months before the film’s release.

https://twitter.com/microprosing/status/958576277555904513

The good news: Ron Howard is directing and Donald Glover probably couldn’t be less than fantastic as Lando if he tried. The bad news: Lots of reshoots; Woody Harrelson in a “Star Wars” movie(??); and a little-known actor in an iconic starring role, which didn’t work out so great in the prequels. I can bear anything, I think, except a mysterious origin story for Han that ultimately leads to a shocking revelation that he’s related to some other well-known “Star Wars” character. That one’s so played out, it didn’t even qualify for a spot on the bingo card.

Also, is Lando going to get a cape or not? The fan service here is only 99 and 44/100ths percent pure unless we get a backstory for the cape.