Alternate headline: “Local man bored with job he’s held for 11 years.” How the size and composition of beverage containers became a priority for the mayor of America’s biggest city I still don’t understand, but give this guy credit for consistency. His concerns about your consumption of caffeinated drinks extend not only to how much of it you’re chugging at one time but the sort of cup you’re using. If NYC can muster the will to make another exception for him on term limits, I’m thinking Bloomberg 4.0 might involve the city issuing its very own environmentally friendly mugs. Twelve ounces, fully biodegradable, mandatory use. Class B misdemeanor and grounds for stop-and-frisk if you’re caught drinking from a glass. Class A if it’s hard plastic.

City officials claim banning styrofoam will save New York millions in recycling costs; coincidentally, it’ll cost small business millions to replace it with alternate materials. But never mind that. Watch the clip below and riddle me this: What’s up at the beginning as Bloomy is introduced? (You can see an extended version at 9:55 of the second clip.) Is that one of the Avengers waving the city flag? Why does the mayor need a walk-up song as if he’s Derek Jeter coming to the plate at Yankee Stadium? What the hell’s going on?

Exit question: Could the city maybe use the styrofoam to build the sort of hurricane sea wall that Bloomberg’s been studiously neglecting for more than a decade?