Portland D.A.: No charges to be filed against Al Gore over sex-assault accusations

A relief, actually. I’m not yet ready to face the possibility that Data is capable of sexual assault.

First NASA says 2010 is the hottest year on record, now this. Best week for the Goracle evah? (Maybe not evah.)

In a memo to District Attorney Michael Schrunk, Senior Deputy District Attorney Don Rees said he recommended against pursuing the case for several reasons:

* Hagerty’s behavior immediately following the alleged assault seemed contradictory to her statements that she was afraid of Gore, the report said. Hagerty told police she called Gore as she was driving home from the hotel, advising him to drink extra water and “dream of red-headed women tonight,” the report states.

* Tests conducted on Hagerty’s pants, which she believed may have been stained with Gore’s semen, came back negative for seminal fluid.

* Police learned that Hagerty had failed a previous polygraph test.

* Hotel workers provided conflicting information about that evening…

* In addition, police said Hagerty failed to turn over medical records and other documents related to the case.

We already knew that she’d failed a polygraph (in fact, she volunteered that info to a reporter) but I hadn’t heard of the cooing about dreaming of red-headed women; makes me think we still don’t know the full story of what happened. Prosecutors also suspect that the Enquirer paid her to talk to them, which adds a revealing gloss to their subsequent scoop about two more masseurs claiming to have been assaulted by Gore. Exit question: Everyone satisfied?