Enquirer not letting go of this Al Gore massage story; Update: Portland police to re-open case

posted at 9:00 pm on June 30, 2010 by Allahpundit

The accuser’s identified herself, she’s apparently promising some sort of DNA test on her slacks (don’t ask), and a friend of hers claims she told him the whole story right after it happened four years ago. Even avowed lefty and Keith Olbermann fan Tommy Christopher concedes that “things don’t look good for Al Gore here.” So why am I still skeptical to the point of incredulity that anything happened? Well, (a) if it did, then that Taiwanese animation will haunt my dreams forever, and (b) a sex scandal involving Al Gore is like a sex scandal involving Data from “Star Trek.” Yeah, it’s technically possible, but nothing short of videotape and sworn affidavits would ever get you to believe that it happened.

Having said that, I confess that the line in the police report about him “pleading for release of his second chakra” does sound oddly Goracle-ish:

The accuser said Gore maneuvered her into the bedroom. His iPod docking station was there, he told her, and he wanted her to listen to “Dear Mr. President,” a lachrymose attack on George W. Bush by the singer Pink.

“As soon as he had it playing, he turned to me and immediately flipped me flat on my back and threw his whole body face down over atop of me,” she said. “I was just shocked at his craziness.”…

Finally she got away. Later, she talked to friends, liberals like herself, who advised against telling police. One asked her “to just suck it up; otherwise, the world’s going to be destroyed from global warming.”

Yeah, really? His sex music is … “Dear Mr. President”? If you were going to make up a colorful detail and insert it into a story to get the media’s attention, isn’t that exactly the sort of thing you’d come up with? C’mon. Even John Edwards has the good sense to prefer tunes like “Rump Shaker” when he’s on the dance floor shaking it with grad students.

Update: Wow. Perhaps this is more serious than I thought.

In a statement Wednesday, police officials said: “The Portland Police Bureau has made the decision to re-open the case regarding the allegations brought forward against Mr. Al Gore.

“Consistent with our policy regarding open investigations, the Police Bureau will not be commenting on any additional specifics regarding this case at this time.”…

“If the complainant and the Portland Police Bureau wish to pursue the possibility of a criminal prosecution, additional investigation by the Bureau will be necessary and will be discussed with the Portland Police Bureau,” District Attorney Michael Schrunk said in a written statement last week.

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That 1992 ticket was quite the duo, eh? One stains a dress, and his underling stains a pair of slacks.

keep the change on June 30, 2010 at 9:57 PM

We have a vice-president now that stains his own pants.

Aviator on June 30, 2010 at 10:10 PM

I wonder if Amanda Marcotte will be banging pots outside of Algore’s house. My guess? She and her feminazi friends will be smearing the victim here.

SouthernGent on June 30, 2010 at 10:03 PM

What will Al be banging inside?

Aviator on June 30, 2010 at 10:12 PM

Here’s one for you guys. Can anyone track down a former Nobel Prize winner being convicted of a felony?

NotCoach on June 30, 2010 at 10:13 PM

How will he defend himself if he’s accused, in public, of messing around with hotel maids?

Or, as I’ve heard that Lyndon Johnson asked and aid during one of his campaigns, “What if so and so was asked if he slept with pigs?”

The aid said, “He doesn’t sleep with pigs”.

And Johnson said. “I know. But wouldn’t it be fun to watch him deny it?”

BowHuntingTexas on June 30, 2010 at 10:13 PM

I’m betting that Ole Al wanted a Happy Ending massage.

***CONTENT WARNING****
Not WORK OR CHILD SAFE
(but funny)

hawkdriver on June 30, 2010 at 10:13 PM

“It’s only real proof if the DNA in question is, uh, the effluent from the second chakra.”

Eeeewwwwwww…

Seven Percent Solution on June 30, 2010 at 10:16 PM

For some reason, I’m reminded of this old Larry Sanders bit.

The Ugly American on June 30, 2010 at 10:20 PM

…better yet…an episode of Red Shoe Diaries.

The Ugly American on June 30, 2010 at 10:23 PM

Li’ll Albert has always been a slow learner.
He needs to call slick willie and memorize the correct answer.
“I did not have sex with that woman”, say it 10 times boy.
OK hold the laughter.

Col.John Wm. Reed on June 30, 2010 at 10:26 PM

Al Gore is not a robot. If the allegations are true, he’s simply being true to his nature — Mother Nature. Al Gore is a tree. A woody tree. Some trees have nuts. Some trees produce lumber.

Terrie on June 30, 2010 at 10:31 PM

I just knew it . The pants are blue. /

CWforFreedom on June 30, 2010 at 10:32 PM

Hey AL don’t sweat it. People on the left will only declare you a hero over this.

CWforFreedom on June 30, 2010 at 10:33 PM

I’m betting that Ole Al wanted a Happy Ending massage.

***CONTENT WARNING****
Not WORK OR CHILD SAFE
(but funny)

hawkdriver on June 30, 2010 at 10:13 PM

Oh that is funnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyy
:D

macncheez on June 30, 2010 at 10:35 PM

I thought that all of Al Gore’s stories concluded in a “happy ending”? the planet is saved, the polar bears live, the rain forests flourish and his second chakra is released from its lock box.

ted c on June 30, 2010 at 10:38 PM

Some enterprising soul might even start a historical museum with notorious items of Dimmocrats’ clothing with the pants and dress, of course, and Robert Byrd’s hooded robe, and what else?

ya2daup on June 30, 2010 at 10:02 PM

Obama’s mom jeans.

Sloan Morganstern on June 30, 2010 at 10:43 PM

The DAs name is Michael Schrunk and Gore was going for Peter Schrunk. Coincidence or irony?

Aviator on June 30, 2010 at 10:02 PM

hahhahahah! that’s no irony, that’s no coincidence, that’s justice there baby!

ted c on June 30, 2010 at 10:44 PM

So…Al Gore lured her to his Ipod docking station???? Isn’t that backwards????

the Coondawg on June 30, 2010 at 10:45 PM

So…Al Gore lured her to his Ipod docking station???? Isn’t that backwards????

the Coondawg on June 30, 2010 at 10:45 PM

Heh. He would get that backwards, wouldn’t he?

Missy on June 30, 2010 at 11:02 PM

I think Al is out of his gourd–he’s probably 3 sheets to the wind, calls in a hoochie mama to rub his chakra until the magic genie emerges and is listening to a song about president Bush? Rent free—the right wing is so rent free in this guys head and it torments him badly. I guess he can get together with Billy Jeff who’ll laugh at him and just say “Hey Al, at least Monica was willing—and I had a helluva cigar afterwards….!” Al would go postal….

ted c on June 30, 2010 at 11:32 PM

C’mon. Even John Edwards has the good sense to prefer tunes like “Rump Shaker” when he’s on the dance floor shaking it with grad students.

Look down AP….we’ve hit rock bottom and we’re starting to dig—now we’re doling out “perve points” and giving a scumbag like Edwards–a man who had a hosebeast bent over while his wife was dying of cancer– a pathway back to normalcy as a result of Gore’s deviancy. Hell, somewhere the silky pony is snorting his nose into the air and thanking his lucky starts that he’s not the sleaziest Democrat politician—at least not today.

ted c on June 30, 2010 at 11:38 PM

Yeah, really? His sex music is … “Dear Mr. President”? If you were going to make up a colorful detail and insert it into a story to get the media’s attention, isn’t that exactly the sort of thing you’d come up with? C’mon.

That was the one detail that struck me as waay too contrived. Also when I heard the audio of her statement it sounded like she was reciting it from a script, not talking spontaneously.

Buy Danish on July 1, 2010 at 12:14 AM

That 1992 ticket was quite the duo, eh? One stains a dress, and his underling stains a pair of slacks.

keep the change on June 30, 2010 at 9:57 PM
We have a vice-president now that stains his own pants.

Aviator on June 30, 2010 at 10:10 PM

Thanks for that, Aviator!

Oink on July 1, 2010 at 12:25 AM

Listening to Al Gore’s prissy speech patterns and effete mannerisms, it is almost with respect that I discover he has possibly sexually assaulted a WOMAN. When it was announced that Tipper was leaving, I half expected a “proud to be a gay American” announcement.

MaiDee on July 1, 2010 at 12:32 AM

When it was announced that Tipper was leaving, I half expected a “proud to be a gay American” announcement.

The money would have to be right.

papertiger on July 1, 2010 at 1:08 AM

Even avowed lefty and Keith Olbermann fan Tommy Christopher concedes that “things don’t look good for Al Gore here.” So why am I still skeptical to the point of incredulity that anything happened?

I don’t know. Maybe because your head is up your ass?

Yeah, it’s technically possible, but nothing short of videotape and sworn affidavits would ever get you to believe that it happened.

Speak for yourself. I’ve known Gore was a phony and a cretin since the first. Can’t see how you still haven’t figured it out. Brain injury? Encephalitis when you were young affecting your higher cognitive abilities? Whatever.

papertiger on July 1, 2010 at 1:17 AM

Again I say, “this explains a lot about a end to a marriage after so many years and political commitments.”

Sultry Beauty on July 1, 2010 at 1:30 AM

I hope this is true, take down this loser.

lavell12 on July 1, 2010 at 2:07 AM

Wow. Al Gore…and a woman. I mean, if this had taken place at a petting zoo or a mannaquin factory, I wouldn’t be so skeptical. I mean, Gore and a human being just boggles me. Oh well, couldn’t have happened to a more annoying douchebag..except maybe John Edwards.

austinnelly on July 1, 2010 at 2:47 AM

Is it just me or do a billion other people also want to send Tipper Gore a Get Well Soon card?

Coronagold on July 1, 2010 at 5:12 AM

Did Al Gore also “create” or “invent” outcall massage?

DSchoen on July 1, 2010 at 5:47 AM

Four year old slacks, that you haven’t washed yet? Eww, eww, eww. I am no fan of Gore, and in fact despise his hypocritical nature. But this fact smells (among other things) of a set up.

rbj on June 30, 2010 at 9:41 PM

What bothers me (trying to put this delicately) is that Gore is not a young man–it seems improbable that he would lose bodily fluids so early in the process. If the DNA is his, his subsequent admission that he had a consensual encounter with her will be more believable than that his body is reacting like that of an inexperienced young man.

DrMagnolias on July 1, 2010 at 6:20 AM

I expected it might have been one of his Worshippers in Hollywood.

I think it’s true. And she was smart enough to keep the dress/pants. Did she call Monica for tips on how to care for it?

PappyD61 on July 1, 2010 at 6:50 AM

Was his line “Want to hold my Nobel prize?”

right2bright on July 1, 2010 at 7:03 AM

Understood you guys don’t want to step too hard on this one. The initial denials and responses, however, are running true to course. Face it guys, Tipper left because she got tired of the philandering, Gore is guilty.

Exit question: Allegations about politicians inappropriate sexual proclivity: When have they been proven false?

MarkT on July 1, 2010 at 8:19 AM

I got the same gut feeling when Clinton’s team smeared Paula Jones. I felt she was telling the truth. This woman did not make this up. Gore’s a lecher, too.

The money angle is quite interesting. Lots of Algore money moving around (looking for a safe haven?) after “the incident” was first reported.

Fallon on July 1, 2010 at 8:53 AM

OK, I was willing to give Al the benefit of the doubt…..but there is no way that this young lady could have made up these details unless she has the imagination of a first rate novelist. C’mon – it all fits: Al’s freaky kiss on Tipper; his ability to shift his personality abruptly but woodenly (like an android); the new agey sanctimony about his second chakra; his subsequent silence; the unexpected divorce filing from Tipper with alot of goo about how they had just grown apart.

It all fits, but it is highly circumstantial. Hope she has some evidence other than he said, she said.

johnboy on July 1, 2010 at 9:14 AM

That looks like another Roger Stone production. And, all the specifics in the story. Come on. People that actually buy that story do so because it is something they want to hear.

Yes, Roger Stone. Don’t be surprised when his name comes up out of this. Dan Rather’s head is still spinning. Not to mention, Spitzer’s and plenty of other people over the last 40 years.

It will be more interesting to see the names behind this story come out, and I’m not talking about the accuser.

Moesart on July 1, 2010 at 10:03 AM

So if the DNA happens to match, then the story will be, “Oh sure, I denied the whole thing, but actually we did have a consensual encounter.”

Yeah, it’s technically possible, but nothing short of videotape and sworn affidavits would ever get you to believe that it happened.

Gee, I can’t imagine why she waited so long to go public with this.

DrAllecon on July 1, 2010 at 11:13 AM

Please. I used to try that “second chakra” line in high school and it never worked for me. (Then again, neither did any of my other lines).

GreenBlade on July 1, 2010 at 11:52 AM

Why do you think Tipper left him?

Mr. Joe on July 1, 2010 at 12:05 PM

Sheesh, if you were vice president, ran for president (getting a majority of the popular vote, mind you), invented those freakin’ internets, and made yourself into the standard bearer for the global warming fiasco – thereby becoming a liberal god – and you still can’t score a little liberal massage therapist tail in freaking Oregon then what hope is there for the rest of the beta male population?

mugged on July 1, 2010 at 12:09 PM

DrMagnolias on July 1, 2010 at 6:20 AM

A pre-massage dose of viagra perhaps? I bet it works like a laxative. When you gotta go, you gotta go.

bloggless on July 1, 2010 at 12:22 PM

Gore is a Nobel Peace Prize winner .. or is the “piece prize” ?

J_Crater on July 1, 2010 at 12:27 PM

Somehow this has to be George W Bush’s fault/SARC.

Dr Evil on July 1, 2010 at 12:29 PM

The debate is over. The science is settled. Algore is a sex-crazed poodle.

petefrt on July 1, 2010 at 12:34 PM

“Poodlequiddick”.

Chickyraptor on July 1, 2010 at 12:39 PM

MOLLY HAGGERTY: (phoning the Portland Police) “Hello, I want to report that Al Gore tried to rape me.”
POLICE CAPT: “Ma’am, how do know it was Al Gore?”
MOLLY HAGGERTY: “Because I had to show him how to do it.”

MaiDee on July 1, 2010 at 1:29 PM

“So why am I still skeptical to the point of incredulity that anything happened?”
Allahpundit

“I think this is a fitting end to the Goracle, and thank God for it!”
GTR640

This story pits Allahpundit against God. Sorry AP, I’m all for our Creator.

Sweet_Thang on July 1, 2010 at 3:06 PM

Even avowed lefty and Keith Olbermann fan Tommy Christopher concedes that “things don’t look good for Al Gore here.” So why am I still skeptical to the point of incredulity that anything happened?

I don’t know. Maybe because your head is up your ass?

Yeah, it’s technically possible, but nothing short of videotape and sworn affidavits would ever get you to believe that it happened.

Speak for yourself. I’ve known Gore was a phony and a cretin since the first. Can’t see how you still haven’t figured it out. Brain injury? Encephalitis when you were young affecting your higher cognitive abilities? Whatever.

papertiger on July 1, 2010 at 1:17 AM

Only a beta male can show that much respect to another beta male. Like a shark not biting a lawyer – professional courtesy.

Extrafishy on July 1, 2010 at 3:46 PM

So why am I still skeptical to the point of incredulity that anything happened?
Climax denier..

macncheez on June 30, 2010 at 9:05 PM

Ok, now that is funny!

norm1111 on July 1, 2010 at 3:54 PM

MOLLY HAGGERTY: (phoning the Portland Police) “Hello, I want to report that Al Gore tried to rape me.”
POLICE CAPT: “Ma’am, how do know it was Al Gore?”
MOLLY HAGGERTY: “Because I had to show him how to do it.”

MaiDee on July 1, 2010 at 1:29 PM

Maybe the song on the iPod was “Good Golly, Miss Molly!”

Steve Z on July 1, 2010 at 5:56 PM

Four year old slacks, that you haven’t washed yet? Eww, eww, eww. I am no fan of Gore, and in fact despise his hypocritical nature. But this fact smells (among other things) of a set up.

rbj on June 30, 2010 at 9:41 PM

I dunno. Everyone who was alive and following American news media at the time remembers how important Monica’s blue dress was. The thing is, I’m pretty sure that samples of forensic evidence like, um, bodily effluvia don’t really keep well without special techniques for preservation. Maybe if she put the pants into multiple zip-lock bags and put them in her freezer? Any biologists care to weigh in?

Mary in LA on July 1, 2010 at 6:43 PM

Algore has always rubbed the American public the wrong way…

CatchAll on July 1, 2010 at 7:56 PM

Algore has always rubbed the American public the wrong way… – CatchAll on July 1, 2010 at 7:56 PM

He just wanted a helping hand. The poor man must have been tired.

SC.Charlie on July 2, 2010 at 11:23 AM

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