Oh, Noes! If Trump Tries to Take Greenland NATO Will Quit Us!

AP Photo/David Goldman, File

Man - I'm like 'SOLD!' right?

I mean, seriously, who are these guys kidding? But let's hear them out anyway.

It's the polite thing to do.

But first, what started the current Euro-heart attack was kind of a tweaky little Greenland Xweet Mrs Stephen Miller put up.

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HILARIOUS

I laughed.

And then Jake Frickin Tapper asked her always-ready-with-an-answer husband about it, and woof.

Trump doesn't help by piling on with one of his off-the-cuff Air Force One cabin riffs about Greenland. How we 'need it' for our national security because it's 'covered up' with Russian and Chinese ships right now.

YOU KNOW WHAT DENMARK DID RECENTLY TO ADD SECURITY TO GREENLAND? 

THEY ADDED ONE MORE DOGSLED

Woof.

CARDIAC ARREST TIME

Holy crap, the Europeans had the hurt hook in their mouths and were swallowing hard.

The Germans are all, 'That means war with Europe!'

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The Danish prime minister said they'll quit NATO. Or maybe the US will.

Someone will quit, dang it.

WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE QUIT?!

And some cranky schmuck from Austria said that Europe will 'confiscate all the US bases in Europe' and they'll make us leave! Hah! Take THAT, YANQUI!

Does this fool not realize that Trump will have people packing the second he hears that? He's been tired of paying to support Europe for years now.

Fine. Kick us out, and good luck to you, you feckless putzes.

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Greenland's prime minister wasn't taking the bait.

In classic European waffling fashion, they got a committee together and drafted a letter to President Trump today, which again, in its marvelous Euro-ambiguity, settled nothing.

At the end of the statement, they close by stating, “Greenland belongs to its people. It is for Denmark and Greenland, and them only, to decide on matters concerning Denmark and Greenland.

Hang on here. Are Greenland's people Greenland's, or Denmark's?

Somebody help me.

Some of Greenland's actual people think the US running things might not be such a bad idea.

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He can probably also read a map.

I mean, all this big talk and letters to the president, even as they tiptoe around the US when face-to-face?

Come on, you hothouse tulips - you're not fooling anyone.

...With Ukraine's President Volodymyr Zelensky insisting a plan to end the war with Russia is "90% of the way there", no-one in that room wanted to jeopardise keeping the Americans onboard.

But there was an immense elephant in that grand and glittering Paris meeting and the underlying atmosphere was extremely tense.

Bear in mind the events of the last few days: the Trump administration's controversial intervention in Venezuela and the US president's insistence soon after, that "we need Greenland from the standpoint of national security".

Greenland is the world's largest island - it's six times the size of Germany. It lies in the Arctic but is an autonomous territory of Denmark's.

At the Paris meeting, Mette Frederiksen, Denmark's Prime Minister, was sitting opposite two powerful figures representing Trump: special envoy Steve Witkoff and Trump's son-in-law Jared Kushner.

She was under pressure from European colleagues not to antagonise the US over Greenland, in case that impacts US support for Ukraine.

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Besides - we've got our secret weapon locked and loaded, as the boss says.

Sec State's furred up and ready to go.

Get in the car, you guys.

We're leavin'!

Beege UPDATES: OMG, this broke right before this thing published.

FRICK

It might be over before it even began.

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