HELP! HELP! HE'S BEEN KIDNAPPED!
That was the hue and cry after the rowdy raid on the California pot farm a couple of weeks ago, when a goofy-looking, 'wouldn't hurt a flea' type Cal State Channel Islands professor got himself kidnapped by armed, masked thugs.
I mean, look at that dork. He wouldn't hurt a fly, right?
Now, I had never heard of the fine institution he blesses with his benevolent presence, tenderly twisting tender young minds into pretzels of radical thinking, but my dear friend Dr Alice came through for me.
Cal State Channel Islands... where you can get a Ph.D. in bird guano studies. ('Cause the islands are covered in it.)
— Dr Alice (@DrAlice) July 23, 2025
Explains everything. He sounds like he spreads your classic amount of radical guano in the classroom.
Jonathan Caravello: @calstate #philosophy lecturer tackled and arrested by ICE agents at pro-immigration protest in Camarillo CA: https://t.co/6JLcJ36Qf9
— Shane Ralston, Ph.D. (@philsphizer) July 12, 2025
Read his teaching reviews: Scholar-teacher or activist-indoctrinator? pic.twitter.com/b278CYpDZV
The fear and loathing among Guano's peeps was so pervasive, the local Communists even did, like, this video tribute to their disappeared hero.
WHERE, OH, WHERE HAS OUR GUANO JONA GONE?
WHERE OH WHERE CAN HE BE?
CSU Channel Islands professor Jonathan Anthony Caravello was arrested & disappeared by ICE in Camarillo yesterday. 4 pigs dragged Jonathan away without giving the reason for arrest and without disclosing where they are taking him. His whereabouts are still unknown. Please boost. https://t.co/UvsHmXnGS0 pic.twitter.com/7Rp41yybBc
— People's City Council - Los Angeles (@PplsCityCouncil) July 12, 2025
Aw. And a baby. Tugs at your heart.
LET GUANO JONA GO FOR THE CHILDREN!!!!
(Hmm. Maybe there should be some punctuation in there. Sounds bad.)
Although being Communists, they weren't quite as touchy-feely. They had some difficulty maintaining the almost PBS-like empathy of their little flick's voice-over with the promo for the Our Hero Guano Jona film.
CSU Channel Islands professor Jonathan Anthony Caravello was arrested & disappeared by ICE in Camarillo yesterday. 4 pigs dragged Jonathan away without giving the reason for arrest and without disclosing where they are taking him. His whereabouts are still unknown. Please boost.
Yeesh.
Teachers across CA were looking for Guanoman, begging for information.
⚠️ MISSING PERSON ⚠️
— California Faculty Association (@CFA_United) July 12, 2025
Jonathan Anthony Caravello
DOB: 02/16/1988
Professor at CSU Channel Islands
Kidnapped by unidentified ICE agents at 2:33pm, Thursday July 10th at Las Posas Rd/Laguna Rd community ICE defense protest.
The only thing they didn't have was Guano Jona's face on recycled soy milk cartoons across the state.
In any event, it all ended in one of those heart-tugging scenes that hardly ever happen in real life. Dirty, smelly hippie reunites with family after being kidnapped by narco-traffickers for a pot-related incident.
Even the local Communist labor union is teary-eyed.
BREAKING: Dr. Jonathan Caravello, a U.S. citizen and @CFA_United member, has been released from federal custody after days of unjust detention. This is a victory, but it never should’ve happened! We must #EndRaids and free all those unjustly detained. pic.twitter.com/S6GY3EPlCD
— SEIU (@SEIU) July 15, 2025
Well, then you find out what the kidnap victim really did.
Have I mentioned that the new US Attorney for CA, Bill Essayli, is tha bomb?
Well, he is.
Professor Jonathan Caravello was not “kidnapped” by federal agents. He was arrested for throwing a tear gas canister at law enforcement. He is charged with a violation of 18 USC 111 and will have a court appearance tomorrow. https://t.co/QrIivjrthd
— U.S. Attorney Bill Essayli (@USAttyEssayli) July 13, 2025
LIES! HE WAS PROTECTING THE INFIRM AND CRIPPLED!!!
“Caravello’s student, Angelmarie Taylor, said she saw several agents jump on her teacher after he attempted to retrieve a tear gas canister lodged under a protester’s wheelchair.”
— Nathan Kalman-Lamb (@nkalamb) July 13, 2025
The CSU lecturer was abducted by ICE for this.https://t.co/CGG7CvQmP3 pic.twitter.com/bE0ImwiwuT
Welp. Those darn body cameras are the worst thing when it comes to busting a romantic story, dammit.
Sir Gala-Guano was caught live and on-camera doing nothing of the sort.
...The affidavit claims that Caravello was seen holding a “megaphone” walking along the yellow police tape, “loudly playing a siren sound” towards agents.
Protestors then later began throwing “rocks” at government vehicles, causing “large-scale damage, including broken windows, broken side view mirrors, and frame damage to the vehicles.”
As the escalation continued, agents deployed tear gas among the protestors to disperse them. Caravello was allegedly caught on an agent’s body camera footage attempting to “kick the canister,” but missed.
“Caravello turned around, ran towards the canister, picked it up, and threw the canister overhand back at BP agents,” the complaint claims.
“A BP Agent reported that the canister was thrown at law enforcement and recalls that the canister came within approximately several feet above law enforcement’s heads.”
What makes the fed side of the story even more believable is the fact that Prof Guano was charged and bound over in federal court the other day for chucking that tear gas, no frightened wheelchair victim in sight.
A Cal State Channel Islands professor was bound over for trial after allegedly throwing a tear gas canister at federal agents serving a search warrant at a Camarillo area cannabis farm.https://t.co/qXWByGmO54
— Camarillo Acorn (@CamarilloAcorn) July 23, 2025
It turns out he kicked up quite a fuss when the agents tried to arrest him after he'd left the field, changed clothes, and come back. The body camera footage, again, was what did him in.
Even though what Caravello is charged with - assaulting a federal officer - is considered a simple misdemeanor, it still has a fine of up to $100K and the possibility of up to a year in jail.
It's heartening they're not backing off from these arrests and are following through with charging these cretins.
Maybe the Prof's commie buddies can make another video to raise the fine money for him.
Guano sales haven't been a thing since Democrats tanked the market with oversupply.
Lawyers in the real FO world cost actual money.
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