Considering what’s at stake these days – when you’ve come up with something really great and how little time it takes for some thieving skunk to steal the idea or knock it off with a cheap imitation – it’s no wonder purveyors of some of the world’s most treasured foods are going to extraordinary lengths to protect their labors of love.

Take cheese, for instance. Italian cheese: Parmigiana Reggiano specifically. Not that green can full of sawdust on the grocery shelf near the spaghetti noodles or the hard, kinda yellowish lump in the cold case with “parmesan” scrawled across the label.

I’m talking the real stuff from the old country. Hard, grainy textured, and complete with nutty brown rind with a burned-on name stamp all around it.

God, I’m hungry.

One of the tastiest meals you can make with just 4 ingredients. Pasta, pancetta, Parmigiana Reggiano and eggs. I give you Tagliatelle Carbonara for Tuesday tea 😋♥️ pic.twitter.com/geAqPmgEJK

— Maria 🔴⚪️ (@MariaMazraz) January 17, 2023

Making Parmigiana Reggiano is an art form, and you do pay for the time, loving attendance, and cheesemaking expertise that goes into every wheel. The stuff isn’t cheap, but, ho boy. Is it a treat.

The Italians know what they have, and have been in a constant battle to maintain their grip on it. Already covered by a coveted European Union “protected designation of origin” designation – which also commands coveted premium prices – Parmigiana makers are in an eternal race against cheesy counterfeiters, looking to siphon off profits by capitalizing on stolen cheesy glory.

If technology is there that can help fend off the fakes, they will use it, however weird it may seem.

Parmigiano-Reggiano producers are seeking new ways to protect the market for the world-famous pasta topping. Their latest trick to beat counterfeiters is edible microchips.

Italian producers of parmesan cheese have been fighting against imitations for years. Now, makers of Parmigiano-Reggiano, as the original parmesan cheese is officially called, are slapping the microchips on their 90-pound cheese wheels as part of an endless cat-and-mouse game between makers of authentic and fake products.

…“We keep fighting with new methods,” said Alberto Pecorari, who is in charge of protecting Parmigiano’s authenticity for the consortium representing producers. “We won’t give up.”

It’s interesting.

…Parmigiano producers have called on police, food specialists and internet sleuths in their forever war to protect their wheels, which in some cases can cost more than €1,000. Parmigiano is so precious that for years producers also battled thieves who in the dead of night were stealing the wheels as they aged in warehouses.

Not to worry about these P-chips if they’re ingested, both the manufacturer and the consortium that represents growers assures folks. They’ve been developed to stand up to the rigors of the Parmigiana aging process, as well as left in a bowl of stomach acid for a couple months to see if anything untoward happened.

It didn’t.

Ew.

All this to foil the bad guys.

As the chips are tucked just under the skin of the wheel as the cheese is being formed, the vast majority won’t ever make the fantastic journey through an unwitting GI tract.

But, just in case one does, p-Chip Chief Technology Officer Bill Eibon says no worries – they’re not hazardous. Plus, the tiny little buggers can’t be read remotely nor once they’ve gone in a gullet. No one can track you with them

Not even your wife.