If it’s up to the Social Justice Warrior English Language police, we will soon be communicating with American Sign Language and/or grunts (which, mind you, can also be misconstrued – ask my husband). When did this constant rejiggering and realignment of our national tongue become such an obsessive past-time?

Did it start back in 2014, when a Minnesota governor signed a law changing the racist and offensive name of ASIAN carp?

Minnesota’s governor recently approved a bill to rename a highly invasive species called ”Asian carp” because the name was deemed offensive to the Asian community. The fish, which have been threatening the ecosystem of the Great Lakes, will now be known as “invasive carp.”

Was it even earlier, when whispers ran rampant in 2006 that a Navy training command would very much appreciate their sailors and Marines cease using the (now) insensitive and dang-near racist term “flip chart,” less a native of the Philippine Islands hear it, be mortally offended, and…flip out?

Whatever the origins of the movement, the slide into emotive mediocrity that has accelerated through our universities has left us with two wounded categories: manufactured victims and self-appointed hurtful word nannies. Completely ignoring however many centuries of local colloquialisms, vernacular, homespun wisdom or idiom, these over-educated socialists need to reduce every unique and wonderful utterance to some sort of offense against society in general. All the better if they can laser in on a specific faux victim class.

Stanford’s guide to “harmful language” is one recent example. To recap, using “American” hurts feelings.

…Launched in May, the project, known as the Elimination of Harmful Language Initiative (EHLI), lists the prohibited terms under 10 categories including racism, homophobia and ableism.

Under a section titled “Imprecise Language,” the guide advises readers to replace the term “American” with “U.S. citizen.”

“[‘American’] often refers to people from the United States only, thereby insinuating that the US is the most important country in the Americas,” the packet reasons, noting that the region actually includes 42 countries between North and South America.

I’d tell them to replace the harmful Language Guide guide with “Call a waahmbulance.” YMMV.

Well…the AP Style and its associated AP Stylebook is considered to be the bible for journalists, news writers, etc.

AP Style (a.k.a. Associated Press Style) provides guidelines for grammar and citations in news writing. It’s the style guide most newspapers, magazines, and other media outlets use, so this style is a must-have for anyone who wants to work in journalism or media writing.

And, hooo, boy. Did they just make it harder to communicate, all thanks to #feelingz.

Prepare yourself. The AP has done away with…”the.”

I don’t even want to try to figure out a paragraph with all the extra somersaulting you’re going to have to do to satisfy this absolutely ridiculous dictate. No. I’m not playing.

I’ve also saved this tweet as the pretentious, pedantic twits are being beaten to death unmercifully in the comments – as well they should be – and I’m betting this poofs into the ether from the sheer, much-deserved abuse. I doubt they’re capable of shame.

The Fre…wait. I can’t say that. How do you even do this?!

THE fact of THE matter is, I can’t do it without THE. Whatever technical grammatical term for THE there is (determiner?), “dehumanizing” it is not. What freaks. Do not fall for THE dehumanizing language in the tailpipe trick.

I’m keeping it, and if that makes me a troglodyte to THE elites writing this woke frickin’ drivel?

That’s their problem and refer to me as THE troglodyte.

Won’t hurt my feelings. I just consider the source.