Broke: Cocaine Mitch. Woke: Midnight Mitch

Ed mentioned this the other day but it seems to be spreading. It’s little more than a footnote in the entire impeachment follies, but some Democrats have been hoping to gain media traction by assigning a new nickname to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. After he unveiled plans for the lengthy Senate trial sessions that would last well into the night, his detractors in both the media and the minority took to referring to him as “Midnight Mitch.” Here’s one example from Maxine Waters.

Seriously? I understand you’re trying to insult the guy, but you don’t seem to be very good at it. This phenomenon was noted by Andrew Stiles at the Free Beacon, prompting him to ask… why can’t these people stop giving Mitch McConnell badass nicknames?

Democrats and journalists—to the extent that there is a meaningful difference—can’t stop coming up with nicknames for Mitch McConnell (R., Ky.) that make the Senate majority leader sound like a total badass, which he is.

The latest, via lib journalist Carl Bernstein, is “Midnight Mitch”—a reference to the Senate impeachment trial rules McConnell recently proposed. Some have criticized the rules because, among other reasons, the late-night schedule could make it harder for grandstanding Democratic senators to get video clips of their grandstanding played on evening news programs.

In any event, some users of the popular social networking website Twitter pointed out that “Midnight Mitch” is a pretty badass nickname.

Come on, guys. Is this really the best you can manage? Surely you remember the time when one of you decided to try calling him “Cocaine Mitch.” What did McConnell do in response? He started answering the phone in his office by saying “Cocaine Mitch, here.” And to add insult to injury, he raised $70,000 for his campaign selling Cocaine Mitch shirts from his online store.

If you’re going to try to run down your opponent by assigning them an insulting and degrading nickname you really need to make an effort to ensure the name is actually… degrading or insulting. Back in the day, you were a little better at this game. Democrats used to call him “the turtle” which is at least a shot at his physical appearance, along with implying that he’s slow. Conversely, “Midnight Mitch” sounds like a supervillain from the movies. What are you going to call him next… Rambo? That’ll show him.

If you really need some help on this, perhaps you should spend a little time studying the guy in the Oval Office. I realize you all hate the Bad Orange Man with every ounce of your souls, but he really has his insult game running on all cylinders. Little Rocket Man. Lyin’ Ted Cruz. Sloppy Steve. Little Adam Schiff. Crazy Maxine Waters. These are all entries on the list of Trump’s nicknames for his political opponents.

See how that’s done? Now run back to your offices and see if you can come up with something better. Even if you can’t, you could always go back to “turtle.” It was better than nothing.