Et tu, Subway? The Impossible Meatball Sub is coming.

The battle to save the world’s cows from the socialist vegan hordes crashing against the gates of civilization suffered another setback this week. Only a few days after Burger King rolled out their fake meat Impossible Burger nationwide, Subway has announced that they are caving to the pressure and looking at adding this genetically engineered monster “meat” to their own menu. But wait, you might be thinking. Subway doesn’t sell hamburgers, do they? No, but they do sell meatball subs. And they’re inviting the enemy into their midst to work on meatballs without any meat. And even worse, rumors have begun to spread that McDonald’s is toying with the idea as well. (

Impossible Foods is reportedly teaming up with a food supplier that works with McDonald’s — suggesting there might some kind of meatless meat coming to McDonald’s at some point in the future.

But now, like a dark horse contender (sorry, horrible analogy), Subway has raced to the front of the pack.

Starting next month, the world’s largest restaurant chain says it will be offering a meatless meatball sub, after teaming up with plant-based meat substitute company Beyond Meat.

I don’t know which will be more surprising to people: the idea of a meatless meatball sub, or the simple fact that Subway is so much bigger than McDonald’s.

I’ll confess that I was surprised to learn just how large Subway has gotten. It turns out that they have 42,431 stores compared to McDonald’s which has 37,855. (For comparison, Burger King has around 13,000.) They will be rolling out the new Impossible Meatballs at more than 600 Subway stores around the nation for a test run.

Is there really a demand among people who don’t eat meat for meatballs? I mean come on, man. It’s got the word meat right in the name. Also, the actual meat used in making meatballs – or ate least good meatballs – isn’t really the driving factor. I make them using both beef and pork, with plenty of garlic, onion, and spices tossed in. And meatballs are pretty much always served with a red sauce anyway, including on subs. If they switch out the beef for this heme nightmare that Impossible Foods is peddling, would you even be able to tell the difference?

Of course, if you really can’t easily tell the difference, that probably just adds to the appeal for the monsters at Impossible Foods and all of their allies. They’re trying to brainwash the country into a state of indifference so they can eventually replace all the real meat with their laboratory experiment. They’ve made no secret of the fact that they want to save the planet by getting rid of the beef industry and getting everyone to eat plant-based foods. And when the demand for cows goes away, so will the cows.

And they’re not planning on stopping there. They’ll be replacing pork before you know it. Heck, they announced the Impossible Fish earlier this summer. And this movement snuck up on us so quickly that it may already be too late to stop them.

David Strom 4:41 PM on September 26, 2022