Move over Impossible Burger. Here comes a carrot made of meat

We’ve been reporting regularly on the distressing spread of Impossible Burgers around the country of late. This subversive attack on the nation’s omnivores is obviously intended to wipe out the beef industry, paving the way for the government to soon force us all to live on chickpeas and ground insects. But the meat lovers aren’t going down without a fight. Arby’s (whose tagline is “We Have The Meats“) is launching their own counteroffensive with a new product offering. It’s a carrot made out of meat. Why? I have no idea. (

From venison, elk, and duck to sandwiches with layers upon layers of meat and curly fries stacked on top, Arby’s has offered some particularly unique products in the past.

Now the sandwich chain is flipping the vegan “meat” trend on its head, leaning into its “We have the meats” slogan and creating its most bizarre concoction yet: the “megetable,” a vegetable made out of meat.

And Arby’s new megetable, the “Marrot,” is exactly what it sounds like: a meat-based carrot that not only tastes like the orange vegetable but has much of its nutritional value.

This brief video from Arby’s shows how they make the marrot, which in reality is just a turkey roll with some orange carrot powder applied to it.

We should all be asking the same question immediately. Why? Why would you do this? Was there some public demand out there for a meat-based replacement for vegetables?

Sure, this is just a promotional bit of advertising for Arby’s and it’s primarily a joke, but let’s not be giving other people ideas here. The vegans need something that looks and tastes like meat because deep down inside, everyone wants meat. We evolved to eat it and doing without it is unhealthy. But we meat eaters pretty much all balance out our diets with vegetables, fruits and all the rest. We don’t need a carrot made out of meat because most of us already eat actual carrots. This is just sending the wrong message.

In other, also depressing news, Business Insider reports that the Impossible Burger has now reached a new milestone.

When you hear the term “late-night munchies,” you might think of french fries, pizza, or fast food — pretty much anything besides a vegan burger, right? But, according to Grubhub’s new “State of the Plate” report, the Impossible Burger is now the most popular late-night delivery snack in America.

In fact, the meatless sandwich enjoyed a whopping 529% spike in popularity in the first half of 2019, according to the report, which was sent to INSIDER.

On top of that, the Impossible Burger is also currently the number one food delivery order in the Midwest, with its popularity rising by 326%.

The meat eaters are losing this battle. Too many of you are staying on the bench and simply letting this happen. And when the liberals have driven the cows to extinction so their constant farting won’t endanger the climate, you’ll have only yourselves to blame. You need to get out there and start ordering more real hamburgers and steaks. We need to fight back, people, and the “Marrot” isn’t the solution.

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