It's happening: Witches are hexing Brett Kavanaugh tomorrow

Remember when Lindsey Graham told a protester that perhaps we should put Supreme Court Associate Justice Brett Kavanaugh in a dunking pond to see if he floats? There’s been no evidence to date that Kavanaugh is a witch, but now some actual, professional witches are gathering at a bookstore in New York City to cast some spells and place a “hex” on him. And it’s not just Brett Kavanaugh who is about to have the forces of hell arrayed against him. He’s only the name at the top of the billing, as the hexes are supposed to affect “all rapists and the patriarchy” as well. (Daily Caller)

Occultists in Brooklyn are inviting practitioners of witchcraft to place a hex on Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh and the patriarchy.

Catland, an establishment that describes itself as “Brooklyn’s premiere occult bookshop & spiritual community space,” recently issued an invitation on Facebook which read, “Please join us for a public hex on Brett Kavanaugh, upon all rapists and the patriarchy at large which emboldens, rewards and protects them.”

“We are embracing witchcraft’s true roots as the magik [sic] of the poor, the downtrodden and disenfranchised and it’s [sic] history as often the only weapon, the only means of exacting justice available to those of us who have been wronged by men just like him,” the statement, noticed by CNS News, continued.

Thousands of people allegedly chimed in on social media to say they would like to attend, even though the maximum capacity of the bookstore is only 60. But fear not! If you want to watch the evil actions of the demonic spell slingers, the event is sold out (yes, they’re charging people to attend), but rumor has it that they’ll be livestreaming it. You can check out the website for the bookstore hosting the witches for more details.

So how will Associate Justice Kavanaugh protect himself from the torments of the damned? Nothing to worry about here. A famous exorcist is coming to counter the witches’ hexes. (I only wish I was making all of this up. It’s actually true.)

A renowned Catholic exorcist will hold Masses for Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh to counter curses cast on him by a coven of witches.

Rev. Gary Thomas, whose training as an exorcist was chronicled in the book “The Rite: The Making Of A Modern Exorcist,” announced that he will offer Masses for Kavanaugh on Thursday and Saturday to combat the “Ritual to Hex Brett Kavanaugh” hosted by an occult bookshop in New York on Oct. 20. Thomas said he and other exorcists in the Catholic Church were “appalled” at the public announcement of the curse, which he characterized as “a conjuring of evil” and a sign that satanic forces are growing more brazen.

I first heard about this story from a podcast focused on paranormal and just weird news before I saw it popping up on conservative media. That provided a bit more background and perspective for the story. It turns out there’s quite a community of “witches” out there and they definitely have their own tribal politics. They’re the ones you see going around and burning sage to “cleanse” various spaces of negative energy, malevolent spirits or whatever other evils they believe they may be encountering.

But the majority of them claim to be practitioners of only “positive magic” which seeks to help people, lift them up and improve the world. They vigorously denounce anyone participating in any sort of “dark magic” which is intended to cause harm. In fact, the common view in this community is that such hexes create a backlash for the people performing it and wind up harming them more than the intended target. (Christine O’Donnell was unavailable for comment.)

We’ll check in on Saturday evening to see if Brett Kavanaugh has turned into a newt yet. Of course, as history has shown us, even if that happens he’ll probably get better.