By the time I arrived at rehab, I had been an addict for nearly 20 years and desperately wanted to quit. I asked the staff for proof that only one path to recovery existed and required God. They said I was fighting the program. When asked why the cure would be spiritual if addiction is a disease as NA proclaims, my sponsor said we wouldn’t debate the book. But I decided to apply only the concepts I found valuable.

We couldn’t consume any drug, including alcohol, to avoid a relapse. Staff provided useful guidance on handling triggers. The “one day at a time” mantra helped too, because I could accomplish that even if I wasn’t confident I could stay sober for long. When others shared their stories, they modeled methods for building a better future and gave me hope.

I reinterpreted step three as a lesson in limited control: I could work toward my goals but couldn’t determine the outcome. Although the damage from earlier trauma in my life was real, the people who broke me weren’t going to fix me. I had to repair myself. But I still felt apprehension when faced with the consensus that recovery is impossible absent a higher power.