Don’t be fooled by the “toxic” qualifier – all masculinity is toxic to these human weebles. What they call “toxic” is really the essence of freedom. It’s toxic all right, but to their goals, not ours. Masculinity means freedom from them and the puffy, non-binary utopia they dreamed up because that’s the only world in which such losers could be anything more than a sorry punchline.

It’s a War on Testosterone, and we’re culturally surrounded. But that’s awesome. As Toxic Male Icon and Army hero, General Anthony McAuliffe of the 101st Airborne put it at Bastogne during the Battle of the Bulge, “Men, we are surrounded by the enemy. We have the greatest opportunity ever presented an army. We can attack in any direction.” And Marine legend and Toxic Male “Chesty” Puller said something similar: “We’re surrounded. That simplifies our problem of getting to these people and killing them.” By the way, General Anthony McAuliffe, when the krauts demanded he surrender, responded, aptly, “Nuts!”

Now, if that last paragraph is incomprehensible to you, your masculinity is in a dire state and you need some re-toxification stat. Grab some non-craft beer, some ribs, and go watch Where Eagles Dare on Netflix. After that emergency treatment, find a man who with whom to go shoot guns and speak of brave deeds done in the face of America’s enemies. This will begin your recovery.