The phone “scandal,” in which the Justice Department secretly subpoenaed call logs from The Associated Press, ended before it started. Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr., called to the carpet by House investigators, testified last week that he had recused himself entirely from the matter. He didn’t know a thing about the case, he said with a smirk. Not a thing. Done.

So, months from now, maybe they lop off the head of the man who orchestrated the records grab, Deputy Attorney General James Cole. But even that isn’t assured. Justice is now making a case for why the clearly unconstitutional records grab was not unconstitutional; it’ll be months before there’s any closure. Will anyone care in August?

And the IRS “scandal,” in which the federal tax-collecting agency apparently targeted tea party groups, also will fizzle. Already, the president — incensed over the mess, spitting mad! — has canned the acting commissioner, Steven Miller. Well, not really, his term ended June 8 anyway. At least the president demanded the head of the commissioner of the agency’s tax-exempt and government entities division. Well, not really. Joseph Grant decided to “retire” June 3. Bring on the government pension and free health care.

Plus, the administration already has pinned the whole debacle on a few “rogue” IRS employees in the Cincinnati branch. You think anyone will find the president’s fingerprints on orders demanding that the agency crack down on political opponents? Please. This is the Chicago mafia: They cover their tracks and they long ago filed off their fingerprints.