Did y’all hear about the savage cage matches hosted on the White House Lawn this past Sunday?
Did you know there was punching, kicking, choking, and chest-beating? Some guy even did a backflip. Just one shameless display of hypermasculinity after another.
Before I got to the event, I thought the F in UFC stood for fascism, but a blue-collar Republican in the crowd told me it was for “fighting.”
The octagon was built on the South Lawn and covered by a gargantuan 92-foot steel structure, weighing around 600 tons, known as “The Claw.”
I thought, “What a spooky name.”
The blue-collar Republican thought it was “awesome.”
Personally, I don’t know how to have fun or how not to make everything about politics, so the event, for me, felt aggressive, nationalistic and borderline authoritarian. But to everyone else, it looked suspiciously like a UFC event.
In all seriousness, I attended UFC Freedom 250, and upon leaving the event, I scraped my knee, looked down, and can confirm I now bleed red, white and blue.
I’ll give the gripers one thing, though: Joe Rogan’s tie was definitely too short.
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