Tariffs? Trade deficits? T-bills? If you’re like me, an English major wordcel who never paid attention to the world of international finance and isn’t about to start now, you have no idea what to make of the Trump tariffs, our trade imbalance, futures, the markets, and whether this will be, in the long run, bad or good for the country. 

And by “country” I mean me and my friends and the people who voted for this. Will the whole thing backfire? Is a major recession looming? A great depression? Will this kill JD’s chances in 2028? Will I be sending my children to sell newspapers in the streets next week while I wait in a bread line? Don’t look at me for answers! I’m flying blind — and so are the rest of you. Nobody knows anything — yet.

Except for all the people who are, somehow, absolutely certain that increasing tariffs on trading partners is very, very bad. Okay, maybe? Are they right about this? How does someone without a degree in quantitative analysis or a show on CNBC know who to trust? 

Luckily, there’s now hope for people like me. A way to know what to think with a simple-to-use tool. An X poster named “Schizo Freq” posted this month: “My stance with tariffs is basically Everyone I know who’s been wrong about literally everything for the last 10 years is SUPER pissed about them. So the ‘inverse retard’ indicator says it’s probably fine.”