If there’s one thing we’ve learned since DOGE started swinging the ax at government waste, it’s that federal employees love to whine. And not just any kind of whining—Olympic-level, performative, award-winning whining.

First, they were insulted by an objectively sweet severance deal—eight months of paid time to find a new job. (Cry me a river.) Then, the meltdown over Elon Musk’s request for five measly bullet points of accomplishments, which turned out to be nothing more than a proof of life check. And now? Now, they’re devastated over the oh-so-unprecedented concept of layoffs, as if no one in the history of employment has ever lost a job before.

At this rate, you’d think federal employees were the most oppressed class in American history.

Of course, anyone with a shred of common sense (or anyone who hasn’t been fully radicalized by the whining propaganda machine) knows that’s a complete joke. But here’s the real kicker: the pain hasn’t even started yet!