Federal Employees Are Whining Again—And This Time, No One’s Crying With Them

If there’s one thing we’ve learned since DOGE started swinging the ax at government waste, it’s that federal employees love to whine. And not just any kind of whining—Olympic-level, performative, award-winning whining.

First, they were insulted by an objectively sweet severance deal—eight months of paid time to find a new job. (Cry me a river.) Then, the meltdown over Elon Musk’s request for five measly bullet points of accomplishments, which turned out to be nothing more than a proof of life check. And now? Now, they’re devastated over the oh-so-unprecedented concept of layoffs, as if no one in the history of employment has ever lost a job before.

At this rate, you’d think federal employees were the most oppressed class in American history.

Of course, anyone with a shred of common sense (or anyone who hasn’t been fully radicalized by the whining propaganda machine) knows that’s a complete joke. But here’s the real kicker: the pain hasn’t even started yet!