What’s so unique and extra special about the 51-year-old Wheaton’s cry-bully meltdown is that if I spent a year attempting to craft the perfect satire targeting neurotic, narcissistic, bossy, joyless, all-about-me, Nancyboys like Wheaton, I never could have crafted something this perfect…

“So I heard about Larry David assaulting Elmo on life television,” Wheaton shrieked on Facebook, “but didn’t watch it until now because I knew it would upset me.” ...

Wheaton’s post goes on and on like that for more than EIGHT HUNDRED words.

Remember all those notebooks Kevin Spacey’s killer in Se7en kept? Now we know what was in them.