"After careful consideration and countless debates, we have unanimously decided to have nobody lead our party," declared party chairman Jeff Guiles. "Nobody has an incredible track record of never interfering with the liberties we hold dear. When faced with all the other options for President, the clear option is 'None of these'!"

According to sources, there has been a massive surge in registered Libertarians after the announcement. "We believe no one will be a breath of fresh air in Washington," said one enthusiastic supporter. "No one will tax your income, infringe on your rights, or regulate your backyard barbecue. Vote N.O.T. 2024!"