This week Greta Thunberg turned 21. Yes, the diminutive doom-monger is a full-on grown-up now. The pint-sized predictor of End Times has passed the final threshold of adulthood. Once the world’s best-known petulant teen, never knowingly appearing in public without wearing the scowl of the self-righteous youth, Ms Thunberg has reached the full age of majority. She’s so old she could legally get pissed in America if she wants. Though that seems unlikely, given she once said she ‘would never go out drinking’: ‘I would never do anything… stupid.’ Her birthday party must have been a riot.

hope she had a lovely day. I also hope none of her birthday wishes comes true, since I don’t fancy being propelled into a pre-industrial hell with only a hairshirt to keep me warm and no prospect of ever flying to Spain again. Will she now put away childish things? For years we’ve been terrorised by her infantile rage. Everywhere you looked there was her jabbing finger of adolescent fury. ‘You have stolen my dreams!’, she’d wail, in the melodramatic fashion of a teen who’s just experienced a minor inconvenience. Normally, though, it’s only the teen’s poor parents who must suffer their tantrums – Greta foisted her moodiness on the entire Earth.

Every time I heard her I thought of Kevin the Teenager, Harry Enfield’s stroppy, hormonal comedy creation. ‘I HATE YOU!’, Kevin would bellow at his long-suffering mum and dad. ‘HOW DARE YOU!’, Greta yelled at us all. ‘You’ve ruined my life’ is the pained cry of the teen who’s been told they can’t get their nose pierced or go to a Lizzo gig. ‘You have stolen my childhood with your empty words’ was Greta’s more eloquent equivalent. Imagine the flashbacks parents of difficult teens must have had when they switched on the news and saw teary-eyed Greta tell adults everywhere: ‘We will never forgive you!’