Democrats across the nation were reportedly confused by thousands of local parades held yesterday, as everyone in them kept their clothes on and didn’t swing sex toys around.

“What even is this?” said local Democrat and cat mom Glenda Fitzgerald. “Where are the BDSM displays, the transgender furries, and the naked men on bicycles? This is not what parades are for! I don’t get it! I’m so annoyed I even bothered to bring my 5-year-old nephew to this strange event!”

Initial reports indicate that over 60 million Americans attended the events in question even though they featured no queer enrichment targeted at children.