New York Magazine misses the point of etiquette

Sara and I were trying to figure out what rubbed us so much the wrong way about New York magazine’s cover story about etiquette, “The New Rules.” After all, taken in isolation, some of the etiquette suggestions in the piece are correct. But the overall tone is way off. …

But the biggest problem with this “new etiquette” is it misunderstands the purpose and nature of etiquette.

Etiquette is for setting other people at ease. If your good etiquette causes people not to find you cringe, that’s just an incidental benefit. New York’s conception of etiquette is selfish: It’s about self-soothing, having rules to follow so that you can stop freaking out about whether you’re doing it wrong, and you will not have to spend months worrying about how you could have been less cringe when someone complimented your pants.

[Josh could have taken this to an even broader level. So much of the current culture is self-directed: my pronouns, my “truth,” my feelings over objective fact. In this culture, are we surprised that even etiquette — the social practice designed for a common protocol governing human interaction — has been hijacked for self-realization instead? — Ed]