DC area man suspects he's a diversity hire

My suspicions have only increased after my repeated attempts to get fired have failed, like the time I requested paternity leave from the president. I even called it that: “paternity leave.” Instead of laughing he said, “Sure, why not?” as if I’d suggested the White House be bathed in the colors of the LGBTQ+ flag or something. The next thing I know I’m spending two of my first nine months as Transportation Secretary stuck at home with two babies and the ol’ ball and chain.

It’s really starting to bother me because it never occurred to me that I wasn’t tapped for the same reason Kamala was: competence.