Can we talk about abortion without tearing each other apart?

I’m guessing that most readers, seeing the headline “I Was Adopted. I Know the Trauma It Can Inflict,” would assume the writer was speaking of her own pain. (Spiers isn’t responsible for the headline, which would have been written by the Times staff.) There are of course adopted children who have mixed or negative feelings about their lives and their families (just as there are some biological kids who feel the same). But the overwhelming majority of adopted children are happy. According to the most extensive database on adoption compiled by Child Trends, 88 percent of adoptees aged 6 and over display positive social behaviors, and 85 percent are in excellent health. In some respects, they are even better off than the average child—68 percent are read to every day by their parents compared with 48 percent of kids overall. More than half perform very well in reading and math, and 85 percent participate in extracurricular activities (compared with 81 percent of the general population of kids). Among adoptive parents, 81 percent describe their relationships with their children as “very warm and close.”

Also pushing the anti-adoption theme, Anna North’s Vox article, “Why Adoption Isn’t a Replacement for Abortion Rights,” contained some whoppers. Noting that adoption is rarely chosen by pregnant women (or “pregnant people” as she styles it), North writes “They may know, too, that their child may not find a home quickly—there are more than 400,000 children in foster care in the US, and the average child spends nearly two years in the system.” The only true part of that sentence is the 400,000. The overwhelming majority of children in foster care are not placed as infants. The average age is 8. In most cases, they have been abused or neglected by their birth parents. In many cases, they are not eligible for adoption until their birth parents’ parental rights have been terminated, which takes time. The average stay in foster care is one year. About half of foster care kids eventually return to their families of origin. About 25 percent are eventually adopted—by adoptive parents who know the children will probably present special challenges and still open their homes and their hearts. So no, a pregnant woman considering adoption for her baby has no reason to believe the child will languish in foster care. When infants are placed for adoption, they are snapped up right away. In fact, the waiting list for infants to adopt is estimated to be 2 million couples.