Much of Nice Racism consists of DiAngelo detecting racist patterns where others might instead observe people trying in their imperfect ways to be human. There is a whole section on white women's tears, with the author criticizing some white mothers in one emotional session for empathetically crying with and consoling black mothers who described talking to their sons about racist cops. The relentlessness of the tone-policing after a while makes your face numb: Don't be too quick to show family photos of your BIPOC kids/grandkids, don't be too "nice," don't "over-smile" to black people (I am not making that up). Don't think that marrying a black man gives you a pass: "Sadly, many white women don't demonstrate that their cross-racial relationships have provided a deeper understanding." There is a paradox at the center of this Miss Racial Manners stuff. DiAngelo's starting point, fundamental to the anti-racist movement, is that just about every instrument and extrusion of society and government was born in racism and perpetuates racially unequal outcomes. You cannot secede from race; you're soaking in it. Therefore, it is incumbent on all good people to consciously disrupt those systems.