Why I’m not watching the Derek Chauvin trial

Will the Chauvin verdict matter? It will and it won’t, I suppose. The prosecutors seeking to convict have presented an overwhelming case; the defense offered little to stand against it. Even Chauvin’s fellow police officers testified against him. Justice may well be served. But even if this one police officer is convicted (a possibility, but as history shows, a rare one), our country feels doomed to reenact this drama again and again. Another Black man killed by police, over nothing. Another community traumatized and retraumatized, to reinforce the idea that police officers have the power of life and death over Black communities, and that they will take and use it, and that there is little we can do. Is this defeatist? Maybe. Or maybe, like many of the people of color I know, I’m just tired. Of being assaulted by videos of people of color crying, and dying, any time I turn on the television. Of experiencing fear for friends and family. Of knowing that my skin color is seen as a threat and my body as disposable.