Why a time machine would instantly kill you

So, you enter your time machine, twist a knob to travel to T-minus one minute, and press go. What would happen next?

Answer: You’d die. You’d turn into “an inflated goatskin bag” and gas would be expelled from your bowels and stomach causing “simultaneous defecation, projectile vomiting, and urination.”

Huh? Why would that happen?

Here’s why: Because the Earth travels around the sun at 30 kilometers per second. So, in one minute it would travel 30 * 60 = 1,800 kilometers or 1,118 miles. That’s about 4.5 times the altitude of the International Space Station. Thus, as time is rewinded while you’re standing in your phone booth, the Earth would zip away under you. You’d end up in the middle of space and one of the side effects of being suspended in a vacuum is the goatskin, vomit, and pooping horror quoted above.