Enjoy outer space! I’ll stay on Earth.

Are we really all going to go live in outer space? Budding space Wonka Jeff Bezos had a big event last week to say it’s coming, that his rocket company Blue Origin will help make it possible, but—not to sound like an intergalactic wet blanket—I’m on the fence about abandoning Earth, and schlepping off to the stars.

Yes, I know I may not have a choice: that overpopulation, climate change and cable news may eventually make our current planet an impossible place to live.

What I’m asking is: What if it’s optional? What if living in outer space is a choice? I’m not sure I need to go.

For starters, I have no idea what to pack. How much underwear do I need in outer space? What is the laundry situation? Is it going to rain? Is it going to be cold, or just a “little chilly”? I should probably bring that little down vest I bought a couple of years ago. That little down vest rocks, and I can fold it up into a bunchy ball and stuff it in my pocket.