When Pope John Paul II died in April 2005, I attended a memorial Mass in a beautiful church in Houston. I had not been to Mass in a while. I returned to the familiar sights and smells of my childhood and adolescence: the painted frescoes, the stained glass windows depicting angels and tortured saints, the incense and the Eucharist and the grace the Church offers. I was a “cradle” Catholic — someone who had partaken in baptism, reconciliation, first Holy Communion and confirmation. Not only were these rituals comforting, they were a part of who I was.
I say this in the past tense because I have decided to leave. I have lost trust and belief in the Catholic Church because of the staggering number of sex abuse crimes committed against children and adults over the last seven decades. I am not a victim of these crimes, but as a person of faith, I believe it is important to speak out against these abuses, to stand firm with those who suffered at the hands of men who are mouthpieces for God.
The Church is proficient at indoctrination. As children, we are taught not to question the Church, that to do so would be a grave sin, one that places us in moral peril. This is the manner in which it keeps us quiet — the priests are stand-ins for God and we are the flock, and like sheep, we must submit. This indoctrination is a manipulation tool to keep people silent to sexual abuse, or in my experience, faith abuse.
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