• Refrain from tagging us on every “Florida Man” story. When someone, somewhere in the world makes news about doing something terrible or a brawl breaks out at a Chuck E. Cheese or a parent throws a sucker punch while pushing a baby stroller, the individuals involved will either reside in Florida or have lived there at one time. This is less something we need to be reminded of—Every. Bleeping. Time. —than an inevitability. Alas, there is a price to be paid for the widespread offerings of all-day happy hours. To be fair, Florida is a populous state. Statistically, there’s less of a chance for “Rhode Island Man” to gain traction.

• Floribama is not so much a real place but a state of mind so we can’t tell you how to get there. That’s on you.

• No need to point out that the Sunshine State is cartographically hung. We know! We see it too! To some Florida residents, it is a source of pride but a fair share of us are weary of hackneyed comparisons to the shape of the Sunshine State and male reproductive anatomy.