We all know that Goodell would rather hand the trophy to Matt Ryan this year, regardless of how much he protests. Especially since he tends to protest by stifling dissent. Only he’s not very good at stifling dissent, much like he’s not good at, well, stifling dissenters. Area power-mad gingers aren’t known for underestimating themselves.
As to the commissioner and his imminent humiliation at Super Bowl LI, the man does have options that will mitigate that humiliation, albeit only slightly. He could simply choose not to attend the game, for example. There are a plethora of excuses out there waiting on him should he go that route.
There are also a plethora of options awaiting him should he outsource his duties. A really solid one would be to tap Joe Biden to attend in his staid and perform his duties because, admit it, that would be ridiculously awesome and a great moment for the nation. Biden could take the field in his Camaro, do a few donuts, and then power slide to a stop before jumping out, trophy in hand.
Alas, that is unlikely to happen. So we have to hope for second best—Tom Brady power sliding into the center of the field in his Camaro to accept the trophy for Super Bowl LI. Gisele would be riding shotgun. The kids, they’re of course standing alongside Goodell, forcing him to smile as they all wait on Mom and Dad to emerge, victorious.
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