Now the generation they nurtured and molded most closely in their own image is going to come of age. That’s right, it’s time for the millennials. Whereas previous generations did the things that defined them and then went on to do normal adult shit like generations before them, millennials are frozen in time, permanently locked into whatever preferences they express as 20-year-olds.

Houses? They’re not going to need them, because they love urban things, particularly urban gardens. Plus urban living means they can skip owning a car because bicycles and walking are the way of the future, particularly for those who live in warmer climates and like to work up a good sweat before heading into an open office.

Children? Please. They’ll never have children, because life most definitely never finds a way. They will raise their own livestock on rooftop pastures and grow fruits and vegetables in window boxes, because authenticity and locality are the most important qualities to them. Then, they will imagineer rainbows from, well, you get the idea.

Who knows? Maybe the prognosticators are correct and all these things about millennials are true. Much like the possibility of flaming death descending from the sky or one of the presidential candidates ending the republic, if ever there were a year, this is it. But it this overlooks an obstacle to millennials’ own reign of terror: Generation X.