People I explain asexuality to often struggle to think of sexual attraction and romantic attraction as wholly separate feelings. For many who experience both kinds of attraction — and certainly for much of the media — sex and romance are indissoluble, like two-in-one shampoo and conditioner.

But for anyone who identifies as either asexual or aromantic, they’re more like separate bottles of shampoo and conditioner. They may work well together, and sometimes do, but having one doesn’t necessarily mean you have the other.

That distinction, between the sexual and the romantic, between the physical and the emotional, is something I end up explaining each time I come out to someone. Asexuality, I tell people, is not necessarily about a lack of desire for relationships. It’s not celibacy, and it’s not a choice. It’s simply a lack of sexual attraction.